Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "she woke up one morning and found her Mom having sex with my ex-boyfriend"

Name: Leanne
Country: England
Question: Hi I am a girl who is in her 20's I have been in an abusive relationship before, I met my current boyfriend nearly one year ago he has a lovely daughter who I love very much, the problems is that I have my own house and my boyfriend stays here a lot and I found some love letters, valentine cards etc. from his x, I don't know how old they are do I confront him about them? or do you think he still loves her please answer this please.

Hi Leanne,

Greeting to the UK! I'm interested to hear how you feel about you current boyfriend as a mate. You mention his daughter, your old relationship, but nothing that gives any perspective to your relationship with him. I get the feeling you're very cautious where he's concerned, and that these letters are not helping things. I'd say to definitely bring them up to him and allow him to explain them. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, as they might be a simple oversight (He brought over some things that had old letters in them from a past relationship - He doesn't care about her anymore, but didn't realize he still had those letters in that old bag, etc.)...I can't imagine that he would try to hide a current affair or love interest and keep the evidence at Your house where he doesn't even live.

You obviously care for his daughter, and that's got to mean something to him...I can't say if he still loves her or not, but I'm thinking that the odds are in your favor that he doesn't...Bring them up to him casually and gauge his reaction. I'm pretty certain they were an oversight and he'll think nothing of them...However, if he creates a big stink about them or seems to cherish them and won't let them go, then that's something to consider...Write me back if that happens and we'll tackle that situation if it comes up...Otherwise, thanks for visiting the site, please spread the word about it, keep in touch, and have a very Safe and Happy holiday season!

Name: Amna
City: Karachi (Pakistan)
Question: do u think that any such thing as ''momentarily attraction'' exists? my best friend's boyfriend is attracted to me but only in my presence...we r in a same college and we've been friends from the start...the reason why he gets attracted to me is that we both have same interests and hobbies...but there is no friends gets really jealous...what should I do?

Hello Amna,

Greetings to Pakistan! It's hard to say what's going on in this situation...You mentioned that he's attracted to you in your presence, but it seems that you two only seem to connect over common interests, which is very innocent. You've already stated that there is no chemistry, and if there's none of that, then I think there's really nothing to worry about in this whole scenario. Tell your friend to stop being jealous and be happy that you can relate to her partner on a friendship level...If she's jealous of the interests that you two share, there's nothing stopping her from learning more and participating more in the common interests as well...Then she'll really have nothing to be jealous of and can be happy that her best friend, her boyfriend, and she all gets along so famously. Hope this helps, and take care...

Name: Casie
City: Murfreesboro
Question: This is going to sound like a total Jerry Springer episode but it really happened. I went out with this guy for six months. I fell deeply in love with him. He is 22 and I am 17. Well, we broke up promising each other that we would still get back together because we truly loved each other. Well, at my thanksgiving dinner today with my family he came and he also brought is new 39 year old g/f with him. He was invited because he is a friend of the family. Well, his g/f brought her daughter with her also (which she is my age!). I knew her daughter because we had met a few years ago and had been really good friends. Her name is Krystal. Well, I found out today that this guy that I supposedly was supposed to marry is a loser. While I was with him he was sleeping with Krystal. They were sleeping together for about a month and she woke up one morning and found her Mom having sex with my ex-boyfriend. I have no clue what to do. I really need advice! Please help!

Hi Casie,

Wow...Yes, you definitely have tickets to Springer. Time for you to simply let go...Completely forget about this guy. Let your family know what's going on with him (you might want to leave out the sleeping together part since you're so much younger than him and in some states it could be illegal, not to mention just morally wrong) and they'll take your side as well. First off, he cheated on you, so he's gone - done, finito, bye-bye...Now, Krystal and her Mom need their heads examined, and I mean that literally - Especially for the Mom. It's one thing for a woman to have a fling with someone much younger (as long as no one gets hurt, there's nothing wrong with it as long as everyone's an adult), it's quite another to make moves on your daughter's boyfriend (or even allow him to make moves on her)...And it's Quite another to continue the relationship in full view and defiance of her daughter's feelings...That's just about the coldest thing I've ever heard of...Distance yourself away from all these people...What a complete waste of your time. Concentrate on yourself and making you the best person you can be...Get focused on your future, because if you don't, no one else will (that's one of Life's little unmentioned promises). One day you can be sure that you will fall in love with someone who doesn't use their age as an advantage (someone more in your age group) and also won't sleep with your friends and their families. I'm glad you see that this is so far gone it's almost laughable enough to be a trashy television show...I'm just sorry that you were involved. It's time to cut your losses and move on...Hope this helps, and hope the rest of your Holidays are MUCH happier...Take care.

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