Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "our relationship is hanging on by a thread"

Name: Jennifer
City: Burlington
Question: OK MY QUESTION IS BASED ON RELATIONSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS. EVERYDAY I ASK MY SELF WHY I SHOULD LIVE ANOTHER DAY. IT USE TO BE HAPPY UNTIL ALL THIS STARTED IT ALL STARTED ABOUT A YEAR AGO I MEET THIS GUY WE FELL IN LOVE AND THEN 9 1/2 MONTHS LATER HE DUMPS ME. LIKE TWO MONTHS AFTER THE BRAKE UP I STARTED DATING A GUY WHO WAS SWEET, FUNNY, AND TREATS ME WELL. I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY X BF. MY BEST FRIEND AND ME ARE FIGHTING ALMOST EVERYDAY BECAUSE I'M ALMOST SURE THAT SHE'S GOING BEHIND MY BACK AND SEEING MY X. SHE LIES TO MY FACE ABOUT EVERYTHING, SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I CALL HERE MY BEST FRIEND. YESTERDAY I FOUND OUT THAT MY X LIKES HER...I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO SAY OR DO I FEEL THAT ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BETRAYING ME AFTER THIS INCIDENT.. I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO TURN. I'M ALWAYS DEPRESSED AND ALWAYS TREATED BAD I FEEL LIKE.
PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Jennifer,

First things first - Forget about your Ex. He DUMPED you, so what give a rip about him? He obviously is not worth your time and is blind to the true gift that is You. He's got extremely bad judgment and is horrifically shortsighted at best. So don't waste your time thinking about this jerk. You have someone right in front of you that actually sees you for who you are and are happy with, so don't squander that by wasting your time worrying about a past issue (and a lost cause). You can't stop thinking about him because it didn't end on your terms...Swallow that and get over it. It's not worth it to jeopardize your current relationship. Learn from it and move on.

As for your best friend, if she really cares for you, then she wouldn't give this guy the time of day. If she's really thinking of going with him after seeing the damage he did to you, then she's as horrifically shortsighted as he is. Let's hope she's not and is just trying to play the peacemaker. I'm thinking you might be a little paranoid because you don't have closure yet on the situation and it irks you if she has any contact with him. Remember, he's not worth your time/anger/emotional energy, whether it for him or about him via others. Move on and forget about it. However, if your fears are substantiated, and if she really is lying to you all the time about things, then maybe it is time to look for better friends.

Lastly, if you really are thinking of hurting yourself and potentially ending your life about all of this, in the most base sense I can tell you that it (this situation) definitely isn't worth it. Your potential far outreaches, outshines, and outweighs this issue. But, to be sure about things, make sure to share your feelings/fears/thoughts with a certified professional. Go to speak to your counselor, talk with your parents, go to therapy...Work through it with the help of others...There's a lot more to life and your place in it...They can assist you in seeing that. I hope this helps, and best of luck to you!


Name: Kelly
Question: I am a senior in high school and I have liked this guy since I was a freshman. I will be 18 in Jan and he is turning 21 this month. we get a long great but this is the problem. my Mom started dating his father. they have been together about 10 months or so. now I don't know what to do. I really like his son and I cant stop thinking about him. what should I do. Please write back as soon as you can. thank you so much.

Hi Kelly,

Thanks for writing...Wow - This is a tough one. It's hard to tell if this guy likes you back the same way. The one thing that is certain is your Mom and his Dad working on a relationship...I'd say to hold back a bit, even though you've had your eye on this guy for so long. If there's even the remote chance that your Mom will marry his Dad, then it's best to be patient. Not that your happiness is not important, but you really
have to think of what relationship is stronger/has more potential (future) between your Mom and his Dad or between you and this boy...Also you have to think about whom has more ability/opportunity to find happiness - You Mom or you. Not to be close-minded, but you have time on your side. True, your Mom can find true love tomorrow, but then again so can you. I'm not saying this three-year crush you've had isn't important, but if your Mom has a true shot at happiness, let her have it. You are turning 18 soon and have your whole life ahead of you...You'll be going to College, going out on your own, making new friends, living your life. Your Mom's life is more likely to be much more sedentary and set. It's a little more 'fair" to let your Mom take the lead in this situation. Lastly, we know your Mom and hid Dad like each other - that's proven fact. You don't know if this boy feels the same way towards you...If you might have to share a future with him as a stepbrother, it's best not to stir the waters before you know. Leave it alone and let your Mom's relationship take its course...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!


Name: Lee
City: Toronto
Question: I have been living with a man for 4 years and we share two children, but our relationship is hanging on by a thread. We both want to stay together, but frankly I don't know what to do anymore. We don't spend any quality time together, or may I say ANY time together doing ANYTHING! I feel as if I am in this alone - even like I am just living with a roommate. He spends all his free time on his computer, playing online games. He is really into them, and takes them very seriously. We have discussed this issue repeatedly and tried everything - agreements, schedules, promises, etc., but nothing ever sticks for good. He loves his computer so much, I feel as though I am competing with it for his time and attention. What else can I do to get my relationship back?


Hi Lee,

Easy...Go to counseling together. It's either that or throw the computer out the window. He's got to make some drastic changes around or he's going to lose you. If he doesn't appreciate that or seem to care, then start packing your bags...He's got to see (from a third/objective perspective) that it's not just your whining about time not shared. It's about his responsibilities as a partner, a lover, and a father. I'm not saying he can't pursue his own passions, but since he's made the moves and decisions in life that now make his life not completely his own, he has to act accordingly. He can do whatever he wants, but he still has to juggle his obligations and responsibilities as well. If the online games were threatening his job, then I'd hope he'd see the seriousness of that and pull back on the games. If they are threatening his relationship and family life, then I hope he'd pull back from the games as well. He's taking his home life for granted and he needs a bit of a reality check. Everyone in the world would most likely like to have fun above everything else, but everything has its time and its place. That's the price of being an adult and having responsibilities. He needs to make sure everything else that he affects is set right before he pursues solely selfish pursuits. Get him to counseling...I think he just needs a wake up call and a good three-stooges-slap to the back of the head...I hope this helps and best of luck to you.

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