Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "My mother in-law hates me"

Name: Camille
City: Glasgow, UK
Question: I have a problem with my mum and my mother in law. I have been married for 8 months and in that time, my family have cut all ties with me, (this is because they really hate my husband - this is no-understatement). My mother in-law hates me because I married her son, who should have married someone else. I can't tell you how upset and guilty I feel. My husband knows I am upset, but I hide it from him, because he is also emotionally drained. I miss my own mum soo much, she was such a big part of my life. She won't call or come to visit me in my new home. Nobody wants to apologies or make amends, except me. I don't want to be the one that fixes this as then it will always be me that has to maintain it.....do you understand this theory. I am due to go in for a hip replacement within the next few months and want this resolved, just in-case anything terrible happens. My family might come round once they know that I am going into hospital again, but, I don't want that to be their deciding factor. I am 28 years old and my husband in 25. We have a great, strong relationship, except for families. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks
Camille

Dear Camille,

Greetings to Glasgow! I love it when I get international mail...Anyway, this situation sounds pretty sticky (Family situations most always are). If you were so close to your Mom and she is so against your husband that she cut off all ties, then she must have a strong argument against him that you haven't alluded to here. Perhaps she completely misunderstands him or she is very protective of you...Either way, it doesn't sound like it will be resolved easily. Without knowing a great deal about the situation, but understanding that it's pretty brutal, I think that even though you are against using your hospital visit to kick-start communication, you should use it. Desperate times call for desperate measures...If they come and see you or communicate more with you because of the surgery, then it shows that ultimately their love for you is very strong...They will come to see how you are doing because they love you and worry about your general well-being. Once they are there, you can talk to them about how their separation hurts you as well and how you need them in your life. It's not fair to have to choose between love of spouse and love of family. You must ask Both sides (Your husband and your family) to come to the table and solve their differences (or at least act humanely towards each other), if for nothing else than their love for you. Leverage everything you have to make it work since it's so important to you...Again, I don't know the history of the spat, but if they love you and want you to be happy, then most likely they'll swallow their pride for your sake...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you...Don't be a stranger...


Name: Travis
Question: I met this girl online from one of my friends who goes to my school, I fell for her she's very sweet and perfect and I met her yesterday, and she's very gorgeous I told her I like her and all and she told me she likes me a little bit and thinks I am really good looking. The problem is she has a boyfriend and she's told me she loved him but I am perfect in her eyes. I don't want to break them up but yet I want to be with her and I don't think she will break up with her boyfriend. So what do I do? I never met a girl like her!

Hi Travis,

Thanks for writing...Well, as far as off-screen (computer screen, that is) romance goes, I've heard love stories and horror stories...Just like regular life. The one thing that makes me wonder about this whole scenario is that if this girl loves her boyfriend as she claims, then why is she flirting with you and meeting you off-line? Imagine if she was Your girlfriend and you found out she was doing this very thing with someone else behind your back...I'd think you two wouldn't be together for very long. Even if she stays with her current boyfriend, what does that say about her character? That she's "testing the waters"? And she says that she likes you a little? Take anything she tells you with a grain of salt, just like her boyfriend should. Listen - There are plenty of girls out there who are beautiful inside and out, and guess what??? They're trustworthy too! Leave this one to learn her own lessons...Move on and find someone out there who will love you for you and be the kind of person that you'll never have to worry about stabbing your relationship in the back...Good luck to you, and spread the word about the site...

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