Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "Mom wont let me date him but I am sort of in love"

Name: Frances Castillo
Question: I have this boyfriend in jail and he doesn't get out until 2008. We love each other very much and we're talking about getting married. I just finished high school and am about to go to college. I want to wait but I know there are numerous opportunities out there for me. I don't want to risk it and end up getting pregnant again. I've been with him for
three years. What should I do?

Hi Frances,

Thanks for writing....Take a good look at what you wrote. I'm sure you have had a wonderful relationship with this guy, but how much is he really thinking of your future? Obviously not very much, or at least not enough to keep himself out of activities that land him incarcerated for 7 years... That's not what's considered the best kind of future planning... I'm taking for granted that you do Not have any children with him, so if you want to wait for him and be idle during some of the best years of your life, that's entirely up to you. I've never spent any time in jail, but from everything that I've heard, most people, especially after they've been in for several years, come out changed. He will be living a life much harder, difficult, and skewed than what we live on the outside. You are going to college... You have a chance to really take advantage of this opportunity (College) and set yourself up correctly for the future. If he really cares about you, then he'll realize this and will let you go and will tell you to forget about him. That would be the selfless thing to do on his part. If things work out and are meant to be, then you two very well could be there for each other when he's out. But you ever know what the future holds. If he comes out changed and you don't care for the way he is in 7 years, then you just hung out for nothing. I'd say move on and make the best of your opportunities. To not do so will only ensure that there are two tragedies in this relationship... Hope this helps, and best of luck...

Name: Alicia
Question: I like this guy and he is 23. I am 16 but I like him a lot! My Mom wont let me date him but I am sort of in love with me. I met him over the Internet and I want my Mom to come meet him with me but she says he's too old. What should I do?

Hi Alicia,

Trust your Mom...Any guy who is 23 looking to date a 16 year old obviously doesn't care about the Law, whether it be Moral Law or Criminal law. Depending on your state, he could be looking at some jail time for even trying to hook up with you for any type of sexual activity.

Run far away from this creep...Any guy who preys on younger girls over the Internet obviously doesn't have the right stuff to have meaningful relationships with women his own age. He's looking to control you and bedazzle you with his "maturity"... It's more like women his own age can see that he's not worth their time. You should see all the red flags waving in your face. I'm thinking that you meant to say you're sort of in love with him, but really look at that statement - How can you feel "love"
for someone you've never even met? Take yourself out of the situation for a moment and look at everything objectively - Put yourself in your Mom's shoes. Would you let your High-School daughter run off and meet a total stranger off the Internet who is 7 years older? I'm hoping you will say No Way! Don't let the comfortable detachment of the Internet cloud your judgment. Because you never spent any time with this guy, you're filling in all the unknown edges of your perception of him with fanciful thoughts, making him out to be more attractive to you than he normally would be
in real life. Stop filling in the gaps and hang out with someone in your own generation. Let this guy go to try and pick up other girls who just got their driver's licenses...What a loser. You deserve so much better...Take some time to look inside yourself and you'll realize that you are much more precious than you realize and you won't be giving desperate jerks on the Internet another second of your time, as well you shouldn't... Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

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