Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "issue is we are both married we are so afraid of hurting are husband and wife"

Name: Linda
City: Brooklyn
Question: I'm married 45yrs., lived in the same house 28yrs with my husband and 3 children. The children are all married now and living in NJ. My family and friends also live in NJ. I want to move there but my husband says he collects $16,000 a year in rents and wants to stay here even though he knows that I am very unhappy. My neighborhood has changed and I have no one here. I would like an adult community. My question is, should I move without him and hope he will follow, or stay here. Money is not a problem.

Hi Linda,

Thanks for writing...Unless your husband needs to be on property to constantly maintain it, he really should only need to be around his properties once a month to collect rent (if it isn't paid by the terms he set)...I would think that whether he lives in Brooklyn or NJ should not make much of a difference. I would lay everything out to him logically...Maybe he needs to see it all in front of him. Also, he might be very content in his lifestyle and the thought of moving just seems like too much trouble. Try to get him to see that if you are happy then both of you can be happier together...To start Living life again instead of merely existing...With the tragedy that happened in NYC, we all cannot take life for granted...Grab it, and Live it. I think he might come around if he sees the logic in what you are saying...Good luck, and take care.

Name: Sabrina
City: Brooklyn
Question: I had fallen in love with a wonderful man he knows me better than I know myself but the issue is we are both married we are so afraid of hurting are husband and wife. Well we thought it though and we try to stay apart my feelings are very strong for him I'm not too sure his are the same towards me. What should I or we do? Feeling lost in this issue thanks Sabrina

Hi Sabrina,

Thanks for writing...If you both are married, then why play with fire? You say you're afraid of hurting the partners of each of you...That says to me that your marriages must still have a lot of good qualities to them and that things with the spouses are not all that horrible...So why dabble? Work to make what is working in your marriage stronger and try to bring in the other aspects you find enjoyable in this extracurricular relationship to broaden your base with your real partner. If a marriage can be saved/worked on, then you should do all possible to do so...There's way too much divorce these days, and with the recent events that have woken this country up, we all need to focus on what's real in our lives... and that's family. Hope this helps, and good luck.

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