Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "Is there anything I can do to rehabilitate my relationship?"

Name: Tara
Question: my ex-boyfriend from 3 yrs ago is a total jerk. I was told not to get involved with him and I just ignored it. Well, the other day he ran into my ex from last yr. who I crushed pretty badly. They had an interesting conversation and according to the ex from 3 yrs ago, my ex from last yr had to leave his date with his girlfriend, one of my best friends. I tried for nearly 30 minutes to find out what was said and I got nowhere. I emailed Joe because were still friends to find out what was said a few minutes ago. Is there anything I can do to rehabilitate my relationship with Joel?

Hi Tara,

I'm a little confused...You first said Joel is a Jerk. Then you said that he spoke to another ex that you crushed, and he left the conversation disturbed. And then you ask if there's any way to get back together with a guy whom you (and according to yourself, your friends) think is a total waste of time. Forget both these guys and move on with your life...You have much better things to concentrate on other than past relationships...move forward, not backward...Hope this helps, and please spread the word about the site...

Name: James
Question: Yes, need your advice. A new girl just came to my school and I like her a lot. I told her that I liked her. She said that she doesn't go out with guys. Which I figured out was a lie because She likes someone in our school and they like her. They are not going out or anything. If they do I don't think it is going to work out anyway. Does this mean that the girl is not interested in me or what?

Hi James,

Well, look at it this way - You think she may have lied to you already, and you two don't even have a relationship. Do you think that will get better if you two actually established one? Probably not....Yes, she's basically giving you the cold shoulder. That's her decision, and that's good for you. Now you can focus your attention on yourself until the right person comes along for you. If this girl comes around someday, then you can deal with that then. At least you are bettering yourself and doing things that are conducive for your future instead of waiting to see if some other relationship you're not involved in works or fails. Move on and good luck to you!

Name: Shannon
City: Antioch
Question: About a week or two ago my friend (Tiffany) approached me saying that my other friend (Rachel) was going to tell me something but not to believe her. the next day I approached my other friend and she told me Tiffany was trying to hook up my man with Tiffany's sister. It created a whole bunch of drama! My man denied it and a week later I caught him at the sisters house (keep in mind, although they are adults they still live together with their parents) I asked Tiffany about it and at first she lied. I pretended I knew nothing and later asked her why she told me a lie, she said she just wanted to stay out of it. She felt like she was stuck in the middle. She seemed like she felt bad and had me talk to her sister about it and I was told it was finished.(understandable, I guess) Anyways come to find out my man just kissed her sister, and although he lied at first he later apologized and told me everything. The next day I still felt bothered by it but he kept telling me how bad he felt how he couldn't believe he risked losing me. I did not have a bad gut feeling about his word like I did before. He honestly seemed so, so sincere. He just kept telling me he was sorry. Well I forgave him. Two days later Tiffany brought up an old rumor about me saying that I performed oral sex on one of my close guy friends. This rumor started four years ago when I first began high school. Tiffany once approached me about it and I know I wouldn't have told her it was true because it isn't even close to it. My man and Tiffany were all on the phone trying to work it out and at first I called her a liar and then she reminded me of when we spoke about it I then said well maybe I did say something like that but, not seriously. This rumor just used to be a joke to me because I knew the truth. There was nothing to stress off of then. The next morning I remembered when I told her that happened I was speaking on someone totally different. She told me she remembered me speaking on that situation but couldn't remember if it was during the same conversation. She then proceeded to say that maybe this was all a mix-up, a misunderstanding. We also called the guy this was supposedly happened with on three-way, without him knowing, because it was said he was saying it was true as well. She heard him say that he didn't care, and when people approached him of it he wouldn't say anything, only leading people to believe that it was true. I made him aware of this and he said plain and simple so what. I told him I am hurting because of a lie and he said so what it doesn't effect me. Tiffany heard all of this. I did this because I wanted her to know that I wasn't just trying to find any excuse to make it seem it didn't happen. She told me how messed up that was on his part and led me to believe she would make everything ok with my man that she would let him know it was all a mistake, when really she never said anything of it. So now my man left me and thinks that I was lying this whole time. I want my man back. I need help someway to prove it to him. Please, I am begging you, please help me find a way to prove it to him, because in spite of what he did he always took care of me. And I can't help but think I am losing someone over a lie. Please, please help me with this situation. I don't mean to sound desperate, but now I really do have a reason to prove that this rumor is not true. (and he won't except speaking to the other guy I already tried that he thinks the guy will just keep everything tight just for his sake) Please help me I am so, so hurt, and I need some understanding.

Hi Shannon,

Very involved situation you have there. First off, Get rid of your "friend" Tiffany. She first lies to your face, connives and tries to get you against another friend (Rachel) who was trying to tell you the truth, and then acts as a pimp/madam in trying to set up your current boyfriend with her sister? Then she brings up an old story (as a friend she should never have second-guessed your word - if you say it didn't happen then it didn't happen), makes you Disprove a rumor that SHE restarted, and then when you proved it, she didn't even help you out. This girl is nothing but trouble, and is extremely far from being anything that even closely resembles a Friend. If you were caught for Jaywalking and she was your lawyer, you'd end up getting a life sentence. She goes out of her way to make your life difficult...Drop her and let her be thankful you weren't the same kind of "friend" to her...

Now your "man"...You want him back? Another person to get rid of...He gets caught, so he seems sincere. Then he jumps all over an old Rumor that your friend so conveniently brought up, and calls you a liar (as they say, the best defense is a good offense)? When he was the one you caught red-handed? And he's an "Adult" but still lives at home with Mommy and Daddy? Move on from this loser...He knows he did you wrong, and is looking for any excuse to make himself seem better than the loser he is. You have nothing to prove to either of these people, and they should be begging to be a part of your life. Time for you to clean out your relationship house...I'd say it was condemned. Get some people in your life that are positive to your dreams and well being. Concentrate on yourself and better yourself to get out of ridiculous situations like this...they are a huge waste of time and a drain on your mental and physical resources. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: TONI$
Question: HI, I have a question. I'm 19 and I graduated @16 from night school. I had a drug problem at the time that put me on the outside. I've since cleaned up my act, but left with some scars. I attempted comm. college but I just ended up dropping out wrong and owing them a whole lot of money$! I want to improve my life but I don't know how to get into any school with no money and a crappy wrap sheet. My life seems to have no direction and my family believes I should already have a clue. I don't. I'm always sad and I don't have anyone to talk to. I really hope you can inspire me toward greatness. well thanx for your time. - T.D. 19

Hi Toni,

Thanks for writing...There's plenty of places you can go to find out if you can get into another college. Try to get your Associates degree at a two-year college, and then move on from there. As for your family, they might be indignant and say you should know better, but let them know that you love them and look to them for guidance...Ask for their helps and TALK with them. It sounds like you've been a little independent in the past (perhaps at too young an age), and that's fine...But you should let them know that even though you've done things on your own, you now realize that keeping family ties is important to you as well. Once you have a secure and stable family unit once again, you won't feel so alone and will have loving guidance at your beck and call...That's a lot better than being alone...

You mentioned that you want me to inspire you towards greatness...If you already feel you have the destiny of greatness inside yourself, then you know what you are capable of doing. I don't have to tell you to go for it and to work on bettering yourself to reach your fullest already know all that. All that needs to be done now is for you to decide that you DO want to achieve that greatness and that you're willing to put the focus and energy necessary to bring you to that level. Once you put your mind to that, there's nothing that will stop you. I hope you make that decision soon...Hope this helps, and please don't be a stranger! Take care...

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