Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I'm finding myself falling in love with a guy on my job"

Name: LaChandra
Question: Well, I love my husband, and he is the best thing ever happened to me. Now that we have separate jobs now I have seen some very sexy guys, and I have never been the type to cheat. But now I'm finding myself falling in love with a guy on my job and because of that I feel so guilty because my husband loves me with his life even though he's a flirt. Can you help me with some helpful advice.

Hi LaChandra,

Thanks for writing...From what I can tell, you're not falling in Love, but in Lust. Big difference there, and both have detrimental qualities that can lead to the demise of your marriage. You say you Love your husband...If you truly Love him, then you wouldn't really be having this issue. Love is about trust, sharing, honesty, and devotion. All four of those attributes are in jeopardy since you are following your Heat instead of your Heart. Snap out of it and think long-term. Is this guy you're lusting after going to be there for you like your husband? Is he going to have children with you (And participate in their lives)? Share a home with you? Grow old with you? Take care of you in ways you can't take care of yourself? You throw the word Love around somewhat loosely, so imagine if the tables were turned...You mention he's a flirt, but you don't seem to fear his cheating on you, like you're contemplating doing on him. It's good that you realize these things and at least are looking for some advice. Consider this your Wake Up Call. Get real with your life and stop trivializing over things that will only take up useless time and pull you away from what's really important in your life, which is your marriage. Spend half the time and energy on your homelife that you're wasting on this new "love", and you'll never cast your eyes away from your husband again...You won't have to because you'll be happier than you ever imagined. You know the saying - "You don't know what you have until it's gone"...Keep it and appreciate it while you have it. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: Lindsey
Question: I m having troubles with my friend. She doesn't like my boyfriend at all. I strongly value her opinion and I am considering breaking up with him because of this conflict. He accepts me for who I am and I love him for it. What should I do??

Dear Lindsey,

Hi there...Look at it this way - Are you going to marry your friend? Spend the rest of your life with her in an exclusive relationship? If not, then you can always value her opinion, but just remember that that's all it opinion. If this guy really makes you happy and you feel comfortable with him and think that he might be "the One," then that's some pretty heavy things to consider. Don't forget that although friends are important, you have to live your life for Yourself. If you are truly very happy with this guy and you are not overlooking some obvious warning signs (i.e. - being blind) where he's concerned, then your friend should actually be happy for you...Could she be jealous of your relationship in general? Perhaps she is alone and does not want to lose your time and focus right now? Maybe she is with someone and is miserable and can't stand to see you happy? I'm sure she doesn't mean to be difficult or selfish, but there is the chance that her own problems could be clouding her opinion of your situation...Take what she says with a grain of salt. If she's a true friend, she'll stand by your decision as long as you are safe and happy...And if things don't work out, then she'll be there to help you up as well...Remember - You don't go out with someone just because of your friend, and you shouldn't break up with someone just because of your friend as well. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you...

Name: Alison
City: Hicksville NY
Question: This might seem a little awkward, but I've been having difficulties with luck. I'm sixteen years old, I have many friends, a family and all, but everynight I have to follow a daily routine in order to have a good next day, or so I think that my routine helps it too be good. I want to go to therapy for my problem, but I'm embarrassed. I don't want people thinking that I'm crazy because I'm not. But this is driving me crazy and I do need help because I lived with this for over a year. What should I do? Where should I go for help? Do you think in crazy?

Hi Alison,

Thanks for writing...I'm a little confused as you really don't shed any light on what exactly this nightly routine is. Hopefully it's nothing painful/self-damaging...However, if you think that you need some kind of therapy or counseling for this, then by all means go and seek it. Just because you seek counseling doesn't make you makes you responsible. If you realize a problem and you take steps to rectify it, then that's the most sane thing you can do. Go find some professional assistance and be proud of the fact that you are self-sufficient enough to do what's needed. Talk to your school counselor and let him/her in on the routine. Ask them for a local counseling representative if they think your situation might need more professional/medical guidance...I wish you the best of luck in this...Take care, and don't be a stranger...

Name: Jes
Question: I need some help, I have a friend on the fire dept. I'm on who wants to divorce his wife. We are partners at the fire dept. and I'm friends with him and his wife. She doesn't want the divorce and he does. She wants me to tell him things for her and make him go home to her when he doesn't want to. I'm caught in the middle of this and do not know what to do. If it came to picking sides I'd pick his side. I told her not to put me in the middle of it and she just doesn't get it what can I do I want to be there for both of them?

Hi Jes,

Sounds like you're being caught because you're a good friend. Kudos to you for caring enough to try and assist without getting in the way. This couple needs mediation of a professional kind. See if you can talk both of them into going to counseling together...I heard that in some states you have to do this before divorcing anyway. It might help things between them...If it doesn't, then at least they are working on it together instead of through you. The wife is latching on to you as you are her friend, and also she thinks you have some clearer communication with her husband. In a way, she's right, and in her desperation, she doesn't see that she needs to address things directly with her husband. I'm sure she feels thwarted when she approaches him directly, but in the end it's the only way. I'm not sure what the trouble is between them, but the counselor will be the best forum to air out things...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you. Thanks for visiting the site...

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