Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I want to tell him how I feel about him"

Name: Esther
Question: I am a 21 year old female that is having an affair with my best friends father in law who is married and 50 years old. I have fallen in love with him and he is a wonderful lover. He has cheated on his wife many times and I am the youngest he's done anything with. What can I do and why would he pick me?

Hi Esther,

First off - I hope your best friend doesn't know about this...If she did, I'm sure this would damage your relationship with her, as well as every member of their family and yours. Talk about playing with fire! Get over the "love" with him thing...You're not in love with him...You realize that there is absolutely no future in it. Why would he pick you? Because of his own ego. I'm not saying that you have nothing to offer, but the main reasons that a 50 year old man goes for a 21 year old woman is mostly his own vanity, looking to vainly recapture his own lost youth, and control in the relationship. Drop this complete Loser. Have some self pride in yourself...Wouldn't it be nice to face the mirror? Wouldn't it be nice to look at your best friend in the eye and not have pangs of guilt? Wouldn't it be nice to do the same with her mother? Think about HER situation...and how horribly this jerk is treating their marriage and how he is treating her and your best friend with COMPLETE disrespect. Think if this was your father with your best friend...how would you feel about that? Imagine your future with him...For you to be together, it would mean his divorcing your best friend's mother and ruining that household, and completely destroying your relationship with your best friend. If your family and her family are close, you and this jerk would be on the outside looking in. Then, if he has a history of this, he'll turn right around and cheat on you...So you were a part of ruining two households for.....? Nothing.

Here's what you can do to salvage whatever self-esteem you can from this (It very well might be too late to save your friendship with your best friend, but then you have no one to blame on that but yourself). First off, take some pride in YOURSELF...You certainly want to have a future with someone you can Grow
with. You want to have a partner who is responsible, and most of all, Trustworthy. This jerk has proven times over he's not. You would like to be known as trustworthy yourself, but this is seriously hurting your chances for that to happen. Time to stop it and do what's right.

Think about your future for once and DUMP HIM. If he tries to get you back, tell him that you'll blow his cover and to leave you alone. Believe me, in time he'll get over his losing his little playmate and will soon look for another. Trust me - he doesn't love you...He's USING you. Also, you're going to have to face the fact that you've already lost your best friend. If you have any semblance of care for her as a friend, you should tell her what's going on. Be strong and be truthful. This is going to be painful, but necessary as you have to get this scenario completely out of your life. Your friend needs to know this because there's nothing worse than living a lie and believing in it...and you're perpetuating this lie. Then go to counseling...you're going to need it. If your friend doesn't completely hate your guts by then, maybe she'll go with you. There's going to be a lot of counseling going on as every person in this scenario either needs it or is going to need it. If you want a second opinion, Drop the Sicko-Jerk (Dating his daughter-in-law's best friend? Soap Operas don't get much crasser or lower than that - This guy is a true piece of work. What a complete LOSER), break off your friendship without explanation, and then go to counseling by yourself. At least you'll get validation that you shouldn't be in this mess and it's best to leave it behind. Seeing counseling on your own will be a nice buffer for you until the truth comes out. And it should, because believe it or not, this guy is a predator...He will continue to push the limit and take advantage of his family until they put a stop to it...And I hope for their own sake and pride, they do.

I'm glad you wrote as it shows you do have some feeling of morals here. That's a start. Now finish it. Good luck.


Name: Kelly ~Little Blue~
City: Superior
Question: This guy, Ray, Lived next door to me for 5 years. When we first met each other, we teased each other, but I secretly thought he was a babe. Then like a year later, I started to like him even more, and we became like brother and sister. Then 3 years later, I fell in love with him. 2 years ago, we made love, but he was drunk, I know that's not really an excuse, but he's denying it to everyone. Then a few months later, we were talking, and he said, he's only with any girl one time, to see if their "the one", like he did with me. Then last year he moved 20 miles away from me, and we barely got to see each other. I stayed at his house a week ago, and we were kissing, and we both wanted to do more, but we both said no. His words are stuck in my head, "I'll never be with a girl more then once unless I feel something for them, To see if their "the one". I don't know if that means that he feels something for me or what. But I want to tell him how I feel about him, when no one else is there, but I'm shy, so how would I go about saying I love him with my heart and soul. He is My everything, No one in this small town, that I know of, has loved someone as much as I love him!!! Please help me!!!!!!!

Hi Kelly,

Looks like this Ray is not the best thing for your future. Let me get this straight...He has one-night-stands with girls, and then (and only then) he will pursue more with them if he feels that she is the "one"? Give me a break...How self-serving is that? And the worst part is that he's already told you that he's slept with you (Out of what? Friendship? Pity? Boredom?) and that he knows you're not the "one". This guy is a head trip...How utterly convenient for him.

Can't you see that his being with you meant no more than his time with any other girl? And that was WITH a long history of "friendship". Forget about him...Don't chase him. Be with someone that you actually care about (and who actually cares about you - I've heard somewhere that relationships are Two-way Streets) and take your future seriously. He's already basically said that your friendship means very little in the grand scheme of things. Time to move on to a different focus...Yourself. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you. Take care...

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