Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I started talking to his brother Jason"

Name: Jaime
Question: Well I used to like this guy Joe. Recently he was put in jail for 1-3 years. I started talking to his brother Jason. Now I like Jason and he likes me. I don't know what to do. Because their brothers. But then again Joe is in jail for a long time. What should I do?

Hi Jaime,

Thanks for writing...My advice? Drop both of these guys...Joe is a felon, so you certainly don't need to waste time around that kind of element. As for Jason, any brother who would take advantage of his own brother's situation by going after his girlfriend while he's locked away is extremely shortsighted, not to mention untrustworthy and pretty sneaky. Both these guys seem to deserve each other. Go off and find out more about yourself and what your goals in life are (aside from learning how to sneak a file into jail) and concentrate on them. You'll be free (big word here since your current boyfriend isn't free) to find someone else who treats you like you deserve, who isn't currently sharing a very small room with another man, and who doesn't have a rap sheet or a back-stabbing brother waiting in the wings. It seems to me that you can't trust either of these guys as far as you can throw them...Wipe your hands clean of this whole mess and move on...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!

Name: Juana
City: Jersey City
Question: I will like for u to help me I'm really in need of advice I got married when I was 19 now I'm 21 and my husband wants to end our marriage but he doesn't give me good reasons all he tells me is that I could do better then him that I could fine another guy in my life that treats me better then him he also told me that he doesn't want to be my enemy because he doesn't like to have enemies in his life. I really don't know what to believe or expect from him he gave me the new # to the house so I can call him whenever! What do u think I should do he doesn't look for me or anything I really don't know if he loves me still or he has someone else in his life. All I know is that he said he didn't want to be in the relationship because there was no
communication between us and also because his family always had bad look with there first marriage I don't know how true that is.

Dear Juana,

Thanks for writing...A lot of times when the guy wants to be the martyr ("Go on without happy and find someone else"), I find that they have latent guilt about something (An affair? Spent all of your savings? Etc.) and want to end things without causing you a great deal of pain. This saves them the embarrassment of your finding out what actually happened while he is still beheld to you in a relationship, and also avoids the inevitable confrontation when you find out you've been wronged. He's guilty enough already, and he's wimping out by not allowing you to show him how badly you've been hurt.

Now that being said, it is purely speculation...He might not be having an affair or did anything subversive at all. You mentioned the fact that you two have no communication, and that actually says a lot. He might be acting this way because he's at his wit's end and doesn't see any solution. If you've never built a bridge of communication before it can be difficult to see how you can start building one now. If he's willing, go into marriage counseling with him. Really talk him into it and both of you go. If this marriage means something to you (and from your message it seems like it does) then you'll have to really work at it to get it set right. Forcing the issue will force you two to talk, even at the most base level. You need something to build upon, and it looks like the main thing the two of you need in each other is hope. Work on that and get in to see a professional. Besides, if you keep pushing and you don't give up, you'll either grow back together with him or at least hopefully find out his real reasoning behind wanting to leave...Either way, you get closure. Hanging out and wondering/waiting is only good for getting ulcers. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!

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