Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I have discovered that my husband wears my clothes when I am not at home"

Name: Jenny
Question: Last summer I met this guy named Alex, and we both really liked each other, and we were pretty much together the whole summer. But, when school came around we didn't really talk much, and then we just stopped talking all together. A couple months later I met this other guy named Chad, and we totally clicked right away, and were so close to each other so soon. We broke up four months later because some stuff happened, but we still love each other, and we tell each other that,but...I then met Alex, and started talking to him again to, and now I can't decide who I like more, and with Chad he plans on marrying me. Help me!! I have to choose soon!

Dear Jenny,

Ummm....Sounds like thinking of marriage might be a tad bit early. Be true to yourself. Concentrate on making your future the best it can and the boys will come...One day you'll look up from your work on your life and see the one that is just right for you. Until then, spend more time thinking about what you'd like to accomplish in your life for yourself...5 years from now you won't be able to remember either of these boys...make the most of your time and get things together. I hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: Lynn
Question: My niece has had Cystic Fibrosis (CF) since 6 weeks old, she is now 6 yrs old. She just had a check up a couple of weeks ago, and found out she is only 39lbs. Way under weight......if she doesn't gain a considerable amount of weight they are going to put a tube in her stomach and hope that helps. This has terrified my sister. What I am wanting to know, is if you have any websites suggestions, or if you yourself know some good weight gaining recipes or any info. for weight gain. Also, my sister (my CF niece's mother) is feeling like this is all her fault. With her child having CF, (CF takes lots and lots of medicine and therapy) she feels she's at fault for some of her recent problems. She hasn't out and out said she feels at fault, but I can tell that is how she feels. How can I tell her she didn't do anything wrong, that her CF child is just going through what all CF children go through, without hurting her feelings? (CF life-span right now is 30) I am afraid if I tell her just that way she will think I am saying her daughter is dying. Please help, as you must know this is VERY stressful for the entire family. Thanks for your time.

Dear Lynn,

Your family tonight is in my prayers...I'm going to say that you and your family is in need of deeper and more meaningful advice that I can provide. I would think that you can contact the local hospital and find out if there are some local CF support groups that your sister can attend. Your telling her anything, even something supportive, can still be turned against you as you are not exactly in the same position she is in (i.e., you don't have a child with CF). You can subtly help her get in contact with others who are in the same position she's in. It might help her greatly just being able to share her experience with those who she knows has the same battle scars she does. Not only can it help your sister, but she can also gain information that might help with her child's weight situation. I'm sure they have come across like dietary problems and have some suggestions. Sometimes people can be too proud to acknowledge the benefits of sharing their experience with others...even if it's with those in the same boat they are in. I'm not sure if your sister has explored support groups, but if she hasn't, I'd strongly suggest one...I wish you the best of luck.

Name: Matt
City: Sonoma
Question: I am 24 years old, single, and haven't had sex in nearly 4 years. I come from a very dysfunctional family (my father is an alcoholic and my Mom doesn't speak up for herself or for anyone else).

I have been living by myself for nearly a year now, have graduated college, and work a job don't like (and have been doing for 6 years). I also have $22k in debt because of student loans and spend my weekends basically alone and very seldom go out because I don't have the social ties to do so. I really want to start living a "normal" life, and finding a girlfriend, but wherever my background follows me. I'm not good enough. I don't feel like I can keep going on like this and am wondering if you can suggest a way to untangle myself from this situation. Should I just quit my job and hope for the best? I have enough saved to live for at least a year. But what will I tell future employers...that I just quit my job because I was unhappy there? Probably a serious red flag in their eyes. Or will this just cause more stress in my life? I just want out of this situation. What would you suggest I do?

Dear Matt,

You're still young...You have the whole world in front of now all you have to do is explore it. It sounds like you're pretty solid on your feet so I won't even comment on your family's past as it looks like you're headed in the right direction. You already have 6 years experience, and you can always explain your decision to have some time off with a variety of perfectly good reasons. Employers will tend to understand, especially if you change cities. First of all, that notion that you are not good enough is baloney. Good enough for Who? The only level of expectation that you have to live up to is your own. If you feel you're lacking in some area, then change it! You have enough savings to last a year...How excellent is that!?! You obviously have a good head on your shoulders to at least have the forethought to save your money wisely. The job market right now is booming and generous...If you want to make a change, I'd say all the conditions are right to do so. If you want to move somewhere else to feel like you're getting a fresh start, then do it...You have absolutely no restrictions (aside from the debt), so take advantage of the situation...You really have it within your means to make the changes in yourself and your lifestyle to make yourself do it! It's great to exist...but now start to Live. And once you really Live the Life You want to live, you'll never settle for simple existence again.....I hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: Susan
City: Toronto
Question: I have discovered that my husband wears my clothes when I am not at home. What should I do about this?

Dear Susan,

Well, it really all depends on what you want to accomplish. It sounds as if you're not very pleased with the finding...It's definitely something that you're going to have to confront him with. Finding out a new facet to someone whom you thought you knew completely can certainly be unsettling. Sit him down and talk to him about it...It could be just a mild fascination...It also could be something deeper that he might need professional help with. But the only way to do anything about it is to talk to him...Best of luck to you, and take care.

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