Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "i have a boyfriend, which i really like, but we never talk"

Name: Bri
City: Boston
Question: This guy I was talking to ditched me when we had a date to go to a Christmas party and went drinking instead, but he was really sweet before. He was mad at me because I kept him up late one night on the phone. Now he won't even talk or look at me when I see him. Any advice?

Hi Bri,

If some guy got mad at you because the two of you stayed up late one night communicating, can you imagine what kind of communication problems you'd have with him if you two were going out? Forget this guy...let him go out and hang out at bars where he can hide behind a bottle and a smile. You deserve more than that...remain true and strong to yourself and you'll find the person who compliments you perfectly...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!

Name: Amber
Question: I have been dating a guy for 8 months now. Everything is great I have never been happier. But I am always scared that he might leave me, or cheat. What can I do? How do I know if this love will last?

Hi Amber,

Love is about a lot of things, but two of the main things are Trust, and a Leap of Faith. If you are truly happy with him, then relish in your relationship and LIVE. Tomorrow (Fingers crossed this doesn't happen) something horrific can happen to either one of you and you'll never be together again. But at least you got to share the love you have up till now. I'm going to throw an old but appropriate cliche at you - "It's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all." Enjoy him....Enjoy the love, laughter, memories and tenderness you two share. What if you are still together in love 10 years from now and you realize that you could have really focused on the two of you instead of always glancing over your shoulder waiting for something bad to happen? You'll kick yourself for being so narrow-minded, as well as for having wasted such precious time. You never know if anything will last, that's just one of the harder aspects of since you can't tell what's going to happen in the future, you might as well live up what you have in your hands now. Have a good time in this, Amber...I'm happy for you, and wish you the best of luck...

Name: Linda w
Question: i have a boyfriend, which i really like, but we never talk. everyone always tells me how much he likes me, but i know that he just likes the way i look. i cant seem to get myself to talk to him, and neither can he, but we both really like each other i like him for his looks and how he acts, he likes me for my looks alone. i don't know what to do! i don't want to break it off with him, but if i cant get my self to talk to him, and if i think he likes me only for my looks-then what's the point?!?! help

Hi Linda,

You bring up some good points...Looks change. If your relationship is based purely on what the eye beholds, then I tend to think that "longevity" is not one of the words used to describe your relationship. If you two truly like each other, then take the time to really get to Know each other. Go out somewhere quiet...a park, a lake, the shore, somewhere where the two of you are alone. Wear comfortable clothes and don't go out of your way to primp yourself. Tell him to be very conformable too...something he would wear if he was just going to hang out at home or a friend's house. Then sit down with him, and talk. Share your past...funny stories, moments and people who have really touched you and molded you to who you are today. Ask him about similar things. Take a lunch (or dinner) with you and just Share. Talk not only about your past, but your future as well. The things you want to see and experience, what your goals are. Find out the same things about him. Hopefully a lot of your future aspirations will be similar (or at least complementary) with his. Open yourself up and let him see that there is more beauty within you than what's on the outside...and find his inner beauty as well. Now, if this opening exercise doesn't work to bring you two together as a couple, then hopefully you two will be better friends. It will also give you the more clear answer for your future as a couple that you're seeking...I hope this helps, and best of luck to you! Don't be a stranger...

Name: Nicole
Question: OK. here's the scoop! I just met this guy 5 days ago at a party. Basically it was arranged that him and I would hook up because there was 2 other girls and two other guys there that already had their minds set on my friends that invited me. My background is that basically I am very sheltered and I guess a little nerdy. Anyway last Saturday I met Jerry and he is a freshman in college (I am a Junior in High School). We had a blast together we had a pillow fight and a tickle fight, things I am not use to but the entire time I kept my morals by me and made sure that my bra was covered at all times and everything. Even when his two friends came out into the living room (that's were he and I were while the other two couples "screwed" in the back bedrooms/I know this because his friends came out in to the living room and asked Jerry for the condoms to use on my two friends-talk about a screwy situation). Anyway even when his friends joined us he was still "flirting with me in front of them"(WOW). After I got home 2 hrs later my friend that was hosting the little get together called to tell me that as she was saying good-bye to Jerry he said that "even though I didn't get lucky, yeah! I am interested"--so she gave his number to me! Here's the point! I don't know if I should call him/is it to late/should I let it go/should I do something about it and if so any ideas!!! Thanks for listening and taking the time! If you could email me soon as you can tell it is a little on the urgent side. Thanks again!- I hope I was able to be clear on everything!

Dear Nicole:

Thanks for writing! This is a little tricky...First off, I'm going to assume that you are over 16 and that he is about 18? Secondly, it sounded more like a "sex-party" (or Orgy) than a regular party. Was there anyone else at this "get-together" than the 3 couples? It didn't sound like it. So you are excited that he might like you, even though in this particular situation you kept your morals about you and didn't do anything with him and kept your bra covered. Nicole, I might be reading this wrong, but it seems you are asking me to tell you it's okay to feel excited about speaking to a guy who spent time with you in a situation where sex was the activity and the players were interchangeable. You are trying to find romance out of a situation where you and your friends treated each other like pieces of meat. Now you might not be looking at things this way since you mentioned you were sheltered and all, but Look at it. You kept your morals about you, which is excellent! Now keep your pride. If your friends want to have little parties like this and risk a lot of things (don't get me started on STDs, let alone pregnancy) and look at relationships on a much lower and base level, that's their business. You sound like a girl who's nice and has her heart in the right place, but put towards the wrong application.

Think about it...Of Course he was flirting with you in front of his friends...they just "got lucky" and he was (rightfully) worried he would end up the one who was going to be going home without "getting any" that night. He (and you) should think of it this way - He DID "get lucky" as he spent his time with a high caliber person. His friends spent time with two girls whose names they won't remember next month (unless they want more action), while he really hung out with a pretty special person. Never forget that you are special...Now to answer your question directly, there's a few things you should do. Don't hang out with these friends too much, or if you do, definitely don't go to any more of their Pimping parties. You're not going to meet any quality people at those events, and even if you do, first they are definitely not looking for any future relationships, and secondly they will have a skewed and lowered opinion of you because you're simply there - doesn't matter what your actions are. As for this guy, I'd forget about him...Find someone who thinks your smile is brighter than the heavens and who is really interested in what you have to say and think. Be with that one special person and your friends can have these parties every single night and never will be as happy or content as you are. I hope this helps, and don't be a stranger...Best of luck to you.

No comments: