Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I have been engaged now for a year in a half but I am interested in a friend of mine"

Name: Serena
Question: Okay I really like this guy and one time I spent 7 hours over @ his house my friend is his sister but he is 2 and a half years older than me. When I was over his house we were holding hands most of the time like about 5 hours then the next day he acted like nothing happened What should I do?
Confused but hopeful

Hi Serena,

Don't give up hope, but also don't put too much thought and effort into the time you spent with him either. Take things slow and easy...Enjoy yourself, and do whatever is important for you to do each and every day. If things are to develop between you and this guy, it will. It's not like you're never going to see him as you're bound to go to your friend's house every once in a while. Also, don't be disheartened with the way he treated you at school...If he's that much older than you, then he has his own circle of friends and might be effected by the stigma of liking someone in a lower (or a couple lower) grade level(s). He's probably just keeping it cool while he's with his friends at school. Play it cool, and things will turn out fine...Hope this helps, and please spread the word about the site...

Name: Ned
Question: I am an eligible bachelor. I have a great job, a beautiful house, I go on wonderful vacations, and have great parents and siblings--what is missing in my life is a wife and children. I am attracted to a lovely young lady who joined my staff almost a year ago. We get along well and have similar backgrounds. My problem is how to approach her without it being perceived as sexual harassment by perhaps herself and others on my staff since I am her boss. I await your advice on how to proceed. Signed Perplexed

Hi Ned,

Tough one. You obviously know that old saying "Never put your personal life in your payroll"...People throw around sexual harassment VERY easily and you know how gossip can really get out of control...and imagine if that gossip was true! Do you really think she's attracted to you in the same way? Is she schmoozing you for advancement or is she truly interested in you? These things can sometimes be hard to decipher. Maybe there's another department she can go to so she's not a direct report...make sure you bone up on your company's policy on inter-office romance as well. In some companies you can both lose your jobs.

In regards to how to approach her, I'm not a lawyer, so this can be potentially tricky...You might want to go out to lunch with her sometime and ask very innocently if she'd be willing to go out to dinner sometime where work will have nothing to do with it. Don't openly tell her you're attracted to her, but ask if there's a chance of you two going out sometime. Make sure she realizes that this is purely innocent and that whatever her decision, it IN NO WAY affects her job or your perception of her as an employee. And you have the difficult task of making that true if she rebukes your efforts...I wish you the best of luck.

Name: Kyna
Question: I have been engaged now for a year in a half but I am interested in a friend of mine who is one of his friends, I see this friend of mine quite frequently and he is always on my mind. I have only kissed my friend though but now I feel I want to take it a step further. I am wrong for having these feelings?

Hi Kyna,

No, you're not wrong having these feelings...You are wrong thinking that you should keep this engagement alive. Do everyone a favor - if you're heart's not in it fully, then take a step back from your engagement. If you feel this way now, then you run the risk of having the same problem after you get married, and then the law gets in the way and hurts a heck of a lot more. Also, if you claim to love your fiance then you have to be truthful to him and not lead him on. There's a good chance he's thinking of his spending his life with you (since he asked you to marry him and all), and you're focusing on his friend...How wrong is that?!?! If you have any respect for him, get your heart and mind in order before you take that step to the altar...If you love him, you have to want the best for him and his future...and now you have to figure out if you're to be a part of that picture. Good luck to you...

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