Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "how can I break up smoothly with my girlfriend and get the attention of my new best friend?"

Name: Lyn
Question: I have read many of the Q&A page postings. And you have offered some very helpful and thought provoking answers. Here is a question I haven't seen..Do you feel that our destiny is chosen for us, and that we are unable to alter it, or that we are creating our own destiny with each choice we make?
I personally feel that you make your own destiny. I have a hard time accepting that my life is pre-planned, and that I cannot alter it. I met my husband through a personal ad, and many of my friends say that is was fate or destiny that brought us together. I say that I made a read the personal ads. If I didn't who's knows if I'd even be married, but believers of destiny would argue that we would have met anyway, that we were meant to be. I don't buy it. My life exists today because of the choices I've made, not because of any other reason. I would like you're opinion, if you please.

Hi Lyn,

Thanks for the compliment! I'll try not to disappoint you on this...This is a great question - But one that's left mostly to personal conjecture. I believe that it's a little of both. I think that the "Grand Plan" for everyone's life is laid out there, somewhat like a checkerboard. There's an overall schematic of what can/will happen, and it's up to human instinct and personal motivation to fill in the blanks. For instance, let's say someone has the incredible talent of playing the guitar. Just picked it up and Rocked right away. This person will have the groundwork laid out as a path into music, but then that person has to really make choice and put forth concerted effort if success is going to come around. The record company is not going to knock on the door if this person simply wails guitar rifts away in the bedroom without getting out in public.

I think that your scenery of destiny changes somewhat as you make your path through life. Your choices make the path, but I think that your overall destiny is pretty simple and clear. I don't think that one person's destiny is to write a great novel AND be a sport star AND make millions AND travel the globe AND be President, I think it may be something very simple - Like being a Father...Being in the right place at the right time to help another person... Look at Elvis - was his destiny to be loved and revered by millions, or was it something more personal, like dying by his own hand (not intentionally, but sufficiently nonetheless)? One never knows, but most would hope the first choice was his true destiny. If that was the case, he was destined to be a star, no matter what he did. But you never know - maybe his destiny was actually to be in a place to change someone's life forever...Like if he visited a children's hospital at the height of his popularity and spent time with a particular patient. Maybe his destiny was fulfilled once he made that visit...Or maybe his destiny was greater and it was simple Fate that brought him to that patient that particular day, but it fulfilled that patient's own destiny - to meet the one person that patient idolized...This subject can get deep, confusing, and controversial...and I think I've already confused myself (just kidding).

Let's now point this a little more towards your own scenario. You said that you met your husband via personals, and if you didn't make that choice to look through them, your life may be completely different. That's true, but let me play Devil's Advocate here for a sec...How did you come across to think of looking in the personals in the first place? Something made you look in there? Could that little moment of action be called Fate? Who knows? But you can't deny it as much as you can't affirm it. One little clich? do believe in is "everything happens for a reason"...So if you were meant to be with your husband, you probably would be with him now anyway...You said you wouldn't have met him if you didn't answer the ad. You never would have had the opportunity if he didn't place it in the first place...When you start breaking down everything, you never can cover all the angles, and that's where people leave it up to Fate. Is it right? Is it Wrong? Who knows...All we can do is our very best every day and see where that takes us. Not sure if this helps or not, but if it does, then it was Fate...Thanks for visiting and take care...Don't be a stranger!

Name: Renae
Question: my husband told me he likes girls ages 18-21 and they turn him on I told him that I should be the only one...well he works with a 21 yr. old and he said that she turns him on..I don't want him around her am I right or wrong? he says men are like that and I need to trust him but how do you trust when you know what turns your husband on and it seems to be "little" 18-21 yr. old girls? Please answer me...I don't know where else to turn to...thanks

Hi Renae,

You need to open your lines of communication with your husband and make sure he knows what you are feeling. Get on the same page with him so the both of you can soothe whatever ails the other, if you know what I mean. Show him why you are the one he fell in love with and it will be You who "turns him on" and not some young thing. He's asking a lot from you if he's going to throw this in your face and then ask you to trust him and forget about it. You can either make him feel the same way by commenting on the good looks of younger men, or you can try to make him see your way of thinking when he says such things (Sounds to me that's going to be difficult). I was afraid you were going to mention that a younger age group (than 18-21) effects him this way and I was going to have to steer you towards some kind of psychological treatment for him. From what you say, he's simply a bit callous of your feelings and not very smooth or thoughtful about his feelings and how he emotes them. Getting his eyes on you and making sure you two are connecting might very well turn him around...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you!

Name: R.J
City: Pensacola
Question: I have been dating my girlfriend for exactly one year but earlier this semester I met a wonderful women who I want to be part of now how can I break up smoothly with my girlfriend and get the attention of my new best friend Diane I am desperate and don't know if I should even break up with my girlfriend but I do not have any fun with her anymore all we do is argue and fight and its like our interests have changed about every thing please help!

Hi R.J.,

First off, be extremely honest to yourself when you answer these next questions: If Diane was not in the picture, would you think your relationship with your girlfriend was sub par? Would you be looking to end it? How does Diane feel about you? Before you go looking to get into one relationship, you have to finish the current one. Doing it with another person in mind is kind of weak and easy. If you have true problems with your relationship with your current girlfriend (Let's call her "A"), then you have to give her the respect to finish it with your true focus on your relationship with her, not any one else. If you're going to break off from A, then you want to make sure you're not feeling forlorn later if you end up alone. The last thing you want to do is leave A in hopes that Diane wants a similar relationship with you, only to ruin a good thing with A and to fall on your face where Diane is concerned. Then you'll be alone, embarrassed, and miserable, and quite rightly so.

Do the simple (and honorable) thing - get the romantic thoughts of Diane out of your mind. Focus on A. If things are not right for you and A, then break it off and move on...If Diane is available and willing to be with you more than just friends, then excellent. If not, at least you are alone on your own accord and not because you acted on impulse. It's always better to be alone by your own choice rather than by someone else's...Hope this helps. Take care, and spread the word about the website!

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