Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "he said that he could never date me because he likes too many girls"

Name: Brenda
question: I need to find a way to let a coworker know they have an offensive feminine hygiene odor. How can I do this tactfully?

Dear Brenda,

Hi there...There's a company that I heard of (I can't remember the name right now) that actually will deliver small packages to people in an anonymous way to let them know they have bad breath/body odor, etc. Really, it's a little more delicate than that...If you can smell something, there's a good chance that others can as well, which also leads to the possibility that something has already been said. She might have some kind of physiological problem and she can't help it, or she has a medical condition of some sort...This can be an embarrassing thing for the both of you to broach. You might bring up in conversation about how you read an article about people smelling, or people with medical problems, etc...It really all depends on how well you know her. If she's a good friend, then mention it to her. If she's an acquaintance, and you know it's not something medical, then leave her a little
Very Kind note or a small bag with some soaps/products that would help her (and your) cause. If it is something medical, then share your concern and ask if there's anything you can do to help...Just remember her feelings...Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed...then continue on that level of thought and let it effect how you handle the situation. I hope this helps, and thanks for visiting the site!

Name: Tabitha
question: I have liked this guy Nick for a while now. He is 2 years younger than me. He had been playing games with my head for a while. Then one day I said forget it and I gave up on him. Then a couple of days ago I walked into school and he handed me this note saying how much he liked me and how close he felt to me. I was so happy that he had finally come around that I fell for him again. Then tonight I called him to talk and he said that he could never date me because he likes too many girls. I am so devastated I cant believe I let myself fall for him again. I love him so much though. How can I get him to realize that I am the perfect girl for him?

Dear Tabitha,

Hi there...Do me a favor - Take a look in your mirror. Really look at yourself...and then think to yourself - Is this girl you see someone who deserves to be treated well, or someone who should be chasing those who don't deserve her attentions? First off, you're not in love with are infatuated with him, and might be in love with the idea of "being in love". Regardless, you might very well be the perfect girl for him. On that note, you might be the perfect girl for a lot of people...But that really doesn't matter until you find the boy who is perfect for YOU. This boy seems to be a flake, if you ask me...Besides, if he's 2 years younger, I'd bet you're much more mature than him anyway. If he doesn't realize how special you are and what kind of wonderful person you are, then why waste your time on him? You're certainly not getting much in return. Forget about him and move on with making your life as good as it can be until the person who is perfect for YOU comes around. There's a lot you can do to find out about yourself and to take a keen interest in your future...Work on that, and everything else will fall into place. I promise you, a year from now, you'll have to be reminded who this boy is. Go on...Live your life, and be with someone who treats you with respect, caring, and appreciation of who you are...I hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: saintanne
Question: In reply to your note and thank-you, It is the wife who has had the Extramarital Affair and wondering if it is possible to stay friends with the other man for coffee etc. while working on rebuilding a relationship with the husband? It is very difficult not to see him as he lives across the street and all the family are friends with him. I"m just trying to think of a way that this can be handled in such close quarters. I appreciate any input and thanks-again.

Dear Saintanne,

Thanks for writing...Interesting situation. Think about it - How can there any true rebuilding of a relationship with the husband if there's always that other person around? Then her attentions are never going to be truly focused on her husband as one eye will always be drifting to the other man...If the other man has any true feelings of friendship for the family, then he would remove himself entirely from the situation and not present any additional stress on the husband, wife, or the family. He has already thrown away the family's notion of friendship by blatantly destroying their trust. In order for the husband and wife to rebuild without any distractions, then someone has to move away...Leaving that door open is tempting fate too much, whether is just be coffee or not. Also, think about the pride and feelings of the husband - the man who his wife cheated with is a trusted friend, and lives right across the street! I take it that he doesn't know of the relationship or if he does, who the other party is...If he did, I would find it very doubtful that he would enjoy not only the constant reminder of this transgression, but also to have his face continuously rubbed in it by the presence of this man in his own house! If the wife has any respect for herself or her husband and truly wants to work on this, then she'll cut the other man out completely.
There an old saying about close-quarter relationships, even though this particular one involves office romances - "Never crap where you eat" - In other words, you shouldn't fool around on the job as it effects your potential take-home pay, which in turn effects your life, your relationships, your self-worth...then you're left with nothing. In this case, the last word can be changed from "eat" to "sleep"...There's too much violation of the sanctity of home and trust on this one...Best thing to do is make a clean break and start over...Good luck, and hope this helps...

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