Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "he has seen online this picture of a girl having sex with a man and believes that the girl on the picture is me."

Name: Russ
Question: I have had sex at an early age there are good points and bad points to it that I have found. Sex is what made and ruined our relationship. She was about to dump me then we had sex and we stayed together. Now I'm moving and she has this "bond" to me and she is very upset. What should I do to make her feel better? She means everything to me.

Hi Russ,

Tell her what you just told me - that she means everything to you. I don't know how far away you're moving, so there's a chance you can still be together, if you wish. However, I'm thinking both of you are relatively young, so my advice would be to break it off once you move. It will allow both of you to grow and be stronger without each other. You never know what the future holds...Maybe one day the two of you will be together again, if it's meant to be. The only thing you can do is to do what's best for yourself and your future...All else will fall in to place. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Name: Erin
Question: I am a freshman in high school. I have a best friend. But lately, I am feeling lonely. I am growing distant from my friends and family. It seems like no one cares, so my grades are dropping, along with my self esteem. And I feel so depressed. I'm not seeing anyone for professional help, but I am scared to tell my Mom. That she will get mad, or she will shrug it off and say its nothing. I went to, and it had warning signs. I fit at least 3/4 of those warning signs. I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I am losing everything. But it feels like I deserve it. But I feel like I should be deserving something to gain, and that not happening. Please I need help before its too late!

Hi Erin,

Thanks for writing. Go and tell your Mom immediately...Explain to her that this is a serious situation and that you think you might need some help through this. Show her the website and explain to her that this is really serious and immediate to you. If she doesn't want to help (I think she will), then maybe your school counselor/principal can offer some assistance. If you feel you need professional help, then Get some. Just know that this happens to a lot of people around your age...You're trying to fit in, learn about yourself, and feel that no one understands you nor do they appreciate where you're coming from or what you're going through. This can be very frightening and confusing...Never forget that you are a good person and that you have a lot to offer...If you feel that things are going bad for you right now and that you deserve it, you have to remember that the only thing you deserve in this life is to have self-love for yourself, and the respect and love of those around you. This time in your life is rife with discovery and new horizons...You are feeling your oats and finding out not only what makes Erin tick, but what kind of person you are. This can be very mystifying and alienating to go through, but know that not only will your self-doubts and feelings of loneliness fade away, but that you will be a very strong and incredible person because of it. I wish you the best of luck with this time, and please do not be a stranger. Good Luck!!!!

Name: Kim
Question: I really do not know where to begin, but here goes.... I feel so sad and worthless lately. I'm 23 with a part time job I hate, I have yet to finish school and I'm involved in a relationship that I have serious doubts about. I feel powerless and depressed. When I try to share my feelings with my family or even my boyfriend I get a response of "what's your problem, why are you being dramatic." Worst of all I feel powerless to control the things that are going on in my life. HELP!!! I'm not sure if what I've written makes sense but I really would be thankful for any advice you'd have to give.

Hi Kim,

Well, the holiday season is the most depressing time of the year...that being said, you have much more control in your life than you think. Be empowered within yourself and take control of your life! You hate your part time job? Leave it! The economy is extremely strong right now, so the job market is very vibrant and finding another job should not be difficult. If you wish to finish school, then hopefully you can find a job that offers tuition reimbursement...that way, you can finish school and have your employer pay for it (or at least part of it), which is always a plus. You feel powerless only because you allow yourself to be so. If you have serious doubts about your relationship, then break it off for now...One of the problems I see is that you are not confident within yourself. Break off your relationship and spend the time to really find out who Kim is on the inside...Get to know yourself again. I promise - Once you have a firm sense of who you are, what you deserve in life, and what you have to offer others, you'll never feel out of control again. Powerlessness stems from self-doubt, and self-doubts occurs when one is not in tune with oneself. Learn to Love and cherish Kim, and all else will fall into place...Hope this helps, and best of luck to you. Please spread the word about the site, and don't be a stranger.

Name: Kathy
Question: Help!!!! My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 months and he was surfing the web and seen this picture of a girl having sex with a man and he swears up and down that the girl in the picture is me. We may have the same face but her body is much better than mine. She has huge breasts whereas I....The first time I has sex was when I was 19 and I am 23 now. I got pregnant at 19. 19 was the same year I died my hair black and it has been black for the past 4 years now. This girl had brown hair. The girl looks like she is about my age now 23. My question is this: How am I supposed to get it through his head that picture is not me. I have already given him 6 points that it is not me in the picture. We have not talked in two days. It really hurts that when I tell him no it is not me, he still does not believe me. I have a feeling no matter what everything that I say from now on he thinks is going to be a huge lie. Help!!!!

Hi Kathy,

If your boyfriend believes everything he sees on the net, then I have some swampland I'd love to sell him as "waterfront property." Maybe he'll also take over the outlandish lease on my car...He's pretty gullible to have so much conviction over a picture. Also pretty indignant for a guy who really shouldn't be surfing the net viewing smut when he has you as a girlfriend. He's lucky you haven't slapped him upside the head for surfing porn in the first place, let alone make an argument over it. If he doesn't believe you, then drop this ignorant jerk...Let him go ahead and sadly surf the net by himself and you go on with your life. You need to have a partner who respects you and your thoughts, dreams, wishes, and most of all, your word. If you say it isn't you, then it isn't you. You can only point out so many things to a blind idiot. Get rid of this guy...if he leaves you over this, then good riddance. Best of luck to you...Happy Holidays!

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