Monday, April 14, 2008

First Date Phenomenon

Inevitably, there's something horrible that happens on a first date. It occurs without warning. Things are going well and then it happens. There's an uncomfortable, awkward silence.

Some people enjoy first dates. Then again some people enjoy airplane food. Personally, I'm not fond of either one. They both give me a stomachache. Airplane food I manage to avoid. But first dates are a necessary evil.

Inevitably, there's something horrible that happens on a first date. It occurs without warning. Things are going well and then it happens. There's an uncomfortable, awkward silence.

My last awkward silence encounter was a disaster. In my panicked attempt to fill the deafening silence, I began discussing intimate details of my life.

Ladies, this is dangerous territory. Try to avoid it at all costs. No matter what you say you will feel stupid the next morning for divulging such personal information. Avoid anything having to do with an ex-boyfriend, sexual experimentation in college, your original hair color, what you take for anxiety attacks, and anything spiritual. Stick with safe topics, such as; ethnic foods you enjoy, what you just bought at Pottery Barn, the strange squeak in your car, and why you hate your neighbor. Remember that this is only the first date. You'll have plenty of time to tell him about your "almost lesbian experience" and shoe obsession. If this is your first and last date, you'll be thankful he doesn't know more about you than your penchant for Indian food.

If you do, however, have too much Merlot and tell him that Deepak Chopra changed your life, make sure you find out if he ever cried at a Hallmark commercial. There’s comfort in blackmail.

No comments: