Saturday, March 22, 2008

Finding the One

So when it comes to relationships this is the ultimate goal. The end result of dating. Finding that one woman who you love and who loves you. However in the dating scene there are many false leads. Most of the time it’s a woman who falls in love with the man and ends up with her heart broken, however recently more men end up falling in love with a woman who isn’t the one. For some men this is an ongoing trend. Before you get down on one knee and pledge your life to a woman there are a few things you should ask yourself.

How long have you known her?

If the answer is less than a year, get off your knee and go on some more dates. This is a hard thing to do because usually your emotions are telling you the exact opposite. But until you have been with a person at least a year, there is still plenty you don’t know about them. This is the reason divorce rates are so high. Act on logic, not emotion. Usually that is easier said than done. Think about one thing however. If she is the one, what’s the rush? If you’re scared that she may go away if you don’t act soon, then she isn’t the one. I’m not saying date the woman for 5 years. But if you met her last week and tell her you love her, and then 2 months down the line you ask her to marry you…..well you’re heading in a bad direction.

Do you know her history?

Ah Skeletons in the closet, you’re curious about her past, but scared at the same time. This is perfectly normal. It’s easy to just turn a blind eye and pretend you are the first guy she has dated and she has no previous history, but it’s not recommended. Now don’t go hiring a private investigator. If you have to do something like that then the relationship is already over. But don’t be scared to ask her questions. If some things about her past don’t add up, then ask her about it. Do not accuse her of things because then she will get defensive and that can cause more problems. Remember, rarely do skeletons stay in the closet. If there is something bad from her past that you don’t know odds are it will come back at the least opportune moment. If you find out now then it probably won’t affect you much. But if it just “pops up” then it can be devastating.

Is she trustworthy?

When was the last time she has lied to you. What was it about? Has she done it before? Will she lie again? Trust is huge in a relationship. If you don’t trust her then it is probably for a reason. Without trust a relationship is useless. You will get paranoid, you may act out, or you may just be miserable because you never actually know what she is doing. Putting yourself through this is not worth it. If she isn’t trustworthy don’t waste your time. She isn’t going to change

Is there Compromise?

You and she are two separate people. Therefore both of you will have different ways of doing things. The key is compromise. You have to give a little to get a little. First of all, if she is demanding and you cave into her, then that is how it’s going to be the rest of your life with her. Women can be tough to compromise with sometimes, but if you give in to everything she says, then it won’t be a healthy relationship. It works the other way also. Although on the outside it may sound good for her to give into everything you say, in the long run it doesn’t work. The problem is that she isn’t switching her views to be your views; she is repressing her views and feelings to make you happy. Eventually this will build up and usually explodes without any warning. Both you and your partner should compromise on subjects that you have different opinions on. Sometimes one person may feel very strongly about something, and in cases like those it’s ok to give in. However if this occurs often, it’s a problem.

If you can answer these questions with a positive answer, then you should go ahead and make your move. She may be the one; there is never a way to know for sure. But if your prepared, and realize that your making one of the biggest decisions of your life, then good luck and more power to you.

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