Monday, March 31, 2008

Help With Low Sex Drive

Problems with sex drive are to be expected if you are not enjoying sex - or do not get enough arousal to become orgasmic. Why should you want something that is not particularly enjoyable! Thus, if you are finding yourself not particularly excited by the sex that you are having with yourself or the sex that you and your partner are having, consider yourself normal for having a low sex drive. As you learn new ways to enhance your sexual pleasuring techniques, your sex drive, almost by default will increase.

If you are having trouble exciting yourself during masturbation:

Try using toys:

  • Lubrication: lubrication will help increase the pleasurable sensations by decreasing the friction often caused by sticky hands.

  • Dildos and/or vibrators : dildos and vibrators can be used for solo-intercourse. They can be used alone, or you combine them with manual stimulation. Furthermore, some dildos are designed to stimulate your g-spot, others will tickle your clitoris while penetrating you.

  • Pillows: squeezing your inner thighs around a pillow will enhance the sensations of masturbation ? no explanation is purposely given to explain this sensation. This is something you simply will need to take our word for.

  • Fast PC contractions: fast PC contractions causes you to feel an extra level of stimulation.

  • Water: let water drip from the water faucet onto your genitals and masturbate. This added sensation is completely outside of your control and may just add enough force to make it more exciting for you.

  • Books: sexy books helps set the mood, not to mention candles and soft music.

However, if it is your partner who is experiencing a low sexual desire, take some time to focus on how to sexually stimulate your partner. And if it is you who has the low sex drive, show this to your partner and talk about it with him/her.

Exciting your partner will require:

Communication skills (ie. being able to say what you like and dislike, what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable etc). Willingness to experiment (ie. you will never know what you like and or dislike if you do not try something). Trust (ie. trust that you partner is on your side, and that the two of you are working together).

If you and your partner are having 'sex drive' problems . . . one question that you might want to ask yourself is 'how committed are we to the relationship?' Are we talking about divorce? Are there any extra-marital affairs going on? Am I really willing to let down my guard and work on this issue? If you and your partner are able to honestly say that you are each 100% invested in this relationship, and want to improve your level of intimacy than you are ready to begin.

Having different levels of sex drive is one of the most difficult issues to resolve. There is no 'right' sex drive level. Normal is defined by the couple being in sink with each other. If both couples desire sex once a month, or once a day, then it is normal. However, for some people this may not be the case. For some, they have no trouble feeling sexually aroused or excited.... rather their low sex drive is a reflection of negative messages about female sexuality, fear of loss of control over sex drive, unpleasant reactions during sex, fear of pregnancy, STD's, depression, hormonal or medical issues, body image and aging concerns, partner attraction issues, issues of trust, issues of personal space and lastly lifestyle issues and marital conflicts.

Now that you have been able to identify the cause of your low sex drive. "Treatment" should follow accordingly.

1) Negative messages about female sexuality: Develop positive messages about female sexuality. To do this, you will need to explore where you got those messages from. Looking back in time, what were your parents attitudes, your peers, culture. How are these messages beneficial to you. Are these values something that you want. If not, ask yourself why you keep holding onto them. You may benefit from a woman's/men's empowerment group (depending on your gender), feminist literature or even a class taught from a feminist perspective.

2) The work ethic: You spend so much time working hard and trying to become successful, that sex becomes a low priority. Therefore no sex drive. Try scheduling more relaxing time into your day. Focus on the 'frivolous' sides of life. Get touch with the child in you. Schedule play time and time for sex.

3) Unpleasant reactions during sex: Sometimes people come to relationships with childhood trauma's (sexual abuse, rape etc.) therefore sex feels bad. Old memories are brought up. One way to resolve this problem is to put the person with the unpleasant reactions during sex in full control. Have that person for the next 2 months initiate all sexual contact.

4) Fear of loss of control over sex drive: as I have said before, letting yourself go, orgasm, will not change you as a person. You will decide how to act.

5) Fear of pregnancy: Use two forms of birth control and/or engage in all other sexual activities besides intercourse.

6) Depression: See a counselor. As your depression decreases, your sex drive will naturally increase.

7) Hormonal or medical issues: See your doctor. Your sex drive may be related to your hormonal level or medical issues.

8) Body image and aging concerns: see #1. Look in the mirror and begin telling yourself all the different ways in which your body DOES work for you. Are you able to sit, stand, run, dance, etc.

9) Partner-attraction issue: Talk with your partner about this. If his breath stinks, let him know this. Let him know that you feel more attracted to him after he brushes his teeth, or right after a shower.

Massage Parlors

A Massage Parlor, you go in, you come out, but what happens when you are in there?

To somebody who has never been in a Massage Parlor, the facades seem sleazy and strange. I know before I went to work in one I thought they were places where girls were sold in to white slavery, full of big burly men, smoking cigars and laughing for no reason. You know the scene, a bit like a really old movie.

What I found instead were really nice 'normal' people, a nice set-up and no threats on my personal space unless I invited it. Now look, before I get inundated with emails telling me tales about the hardship of Thai girls and the like, I know, some places are real dives, but I was lucky, and did not allow myself to be in a position where I did not feel safe. But anyway, back to the customer. What can you expect and hope for when you go to a parlor.

If you have never been to a parlor before and want to go in your home town, talk to some of your mates, the local taxi driver, or somebody who might frequent these places If you are a visitor to a town that has a parlor, ask a taxi driver, or try and get into conversation with a hotel porter or bar person. Locals will know the best places to go, even if it takes a bit to get them to admit it.

Now in most massage parlors you are genuinely paying for a massage. A lot of places have sauna, steam and pool facilities as well as a lounge where you can watch TV, or porno movies. In the state where I worked, the desk was paid for the massage, and I negotiated 'extras' with clientèle within the time frame of the massage. The money I made in the room was mine, but I was not given any of the massage money. Now a lot of places operate like this, so if you genuinely want a massage you would be better to go to a gym or a health place. Ladies can get a bit 'shirty' if they think they have to massage you and they are not making anything out of it. If nothing else tipping is actively encouraged.

Now another thing is that in many places it is illegal for a girl to solicit money for sexual acts, yet it is not illegal for her to perform them or be paid for them. What this means is she can?t ask you straight out is you want sex for money. It would pay to check out the laws of the State you are in, but solicitation itself is illegal in a lot of places. If you have something in mind you can ask her. But I am getting ahead of myself.

When you are ready you are taken to your room with the girl of your choice. Bear in mind, I can only tell you what I used to do, but most ladies operate in the same way. So let's pretend it is me (I hope I am your type J). I would take you through to the room, and lock the door behind us both. Where I work we have our own shower and spa pool, plus a large massage ?bed?, with a small table beside. This is where I keep massage oil (it is usually baby oil), talcum powder, and a box of tissues. I wear lingerie so it does not take me long to get undressed. I like for you to have a shower first, and yes I will wash your back. Don't be embarrassed if it is your first time. I will be able to tell, but it is not a problem. I will ask you if you would like to hop in the spa pool with me if you are booked in for an hour. (Note here - no ladies 'massage' for an hour - they would be knackered by the end of the night). That can be a lot of fun, the bubbles are quite a sensuous experience. The spa pool is also a real ice breaker - you can ask anything you like in this intimate atmosphere.

If you are only booked for half an hour, we will probably forgo the spa and move straight to the massage table. Do you like oil or powder? Oil is a nicer massage, but powder is easier to wash off, the choice is yours. I start to massage you with you laying on your belly, from the bottom of your feet. I will move up your calves and thighs, paying particular attention to your inner thighs, and then up to your buttocks. Meanwhile we are talking, about sex. I can feel you squirm beneath my touch, and I take this opportunity to ask if there is 'anything' else you were wanting with your massage. Intercourse itself is not the only thing on offer. You can have a hand relief, or body massage, oral sex, or I can take you 'around-the-world'. A hand relief will cost you about $45.00, a body massage will be $60, oral sex is $80 and intercourse is $100. 'Around-the-world' is $120.00* and involves all of the above, a little bit of hand, a slide up your body (by me) and then back down again, for a bit of oral, and then when I think you can not bear it any more, I will move on top of you for sex. It is quite an experience.

Or are you looking for something a little more adventurous? I am the type of girl that will not say 'no' to anything, but you will be charged more. I will be happy to be your slave, or your mistress, you can cross dress (I have the equipment), I will happily play with toys of all shapes and sizes for your amusement. Are you a back-door fan or have you ever had a golden shower? Do you like a bit of rough stuff? Bondage? Or are you looking for a spanking because you have been such a naughty boy? Are you into a three-some? If you want to pay for a second girl, we will put on a lesbian show, just for you, you can join in. All things are negotiable, you just have to ask.

I know a lot of you men are shy, and not sure how to ask for things special. I try and make things easier while we are massaging, by asking you about your fantasies. Don't feel bashful, I don't know who you are, and it is your choice if you ever want to see me again, so just spill it out. That way I have some idea on what it is that turns you on. If you are going to stay quiet about things, then you could get disappointed. Ladies like us are not going to think you are weird, or sick, or anything else, this is the one place you can share your true fantasies.

Don't worry about watching your watch. We ladies know to a second when a half, three quarter or hour segment is up. You won't feel rushed, but we have a schedule to keep. You will be finished in time to have a shower, be dressed, and out the door, all in good time.

A word of advice here, condoms. Before you immediately think, 'no, I don't like them', think of this. The girls who do use them are conscientious about their health, and will take better care of yours. The girls that can be talked into not using them, even if they say they normally do, usually don't. They are looking for a fast dollar, without any thought for the consequences. No matter how urgent your need, I would suggest prudence is the better part of valor, and you get a different girl, or another place. The last thing you want to do is die, for your visit.

So the deed is done, now what? Well that depends on the time you have left and how you feel. It is OK just to shower, say thanks and walk out. It is also OK to sit and chat for a while, although a business-like person will probably try to get you to move on, so she can get to another client. In most places you are still welcome to use the facilities after your massage time. The whole thing is up to you. Many places have a discreet back entrance and you can be on your way, off into the real world, but hopefully, if your girl was good, you will have a smile on your face.

Dildo Memoirs: Part III-Oy Vey, Our Niece Is GAY! (Part III)

by Sarah

As you will hopefully remember from Part 2 of my memoirs I had been seeing a new woman. A woman I liked very much. And I decided to come out to my family during my trip home over Thanksgiving. So I did!

A few days before my flight I got my hair cut in a true dyke do. I got a butch buzz, and it looked awfully cute in my humble opinion. The night before my flight my girlfriend and I went to a KD Lang concert. I had never been to a KD Lang concert before, so I didn't know what to expect. It was amazing! And after the concert I had to buy a t-shirt. I just had to. The thing about KD Lang is that she is not only hot as hell, but she makes all the other dykes in the audience feel hot as hell too. And proud to be lesbians.

Well, the next morning it was time for the flight home. And my gay pride of the night before was quickly fading. I was feeling antsy. I decided it would just be easiest (read: I am a chicken-shit) if my family would just see me and know that I was queer. So I took my butch buzz clad body and dressed it in the kd Lang concert t-shirt, men's khaki pants and a men's open plaid red and green flannel shirt. And I put that dyke dressed body on a plane (2 actually, but who?s counting) and figured to myself that my coming out was done. I assumed that my uncle and cousins would meet me at the airport & the first thing out of one of my cousin?s mouths would be, 'What are you, a fucking dyke?' And I would just say yes, and that would be the end of the coming out conversation. Simple, right? Boy, am I naïve!

I got off the plane up north and waited for my family. And when they got to the airport they simply hugged me and drove me home. Hell, both my aunt and uncle even complimented my hairdo! This was many days before Thanksgiving and I realized that I either had to immediately come out to my family, or wait many days until after the holiday. The advantage of coming out right away was that it would give my family and me lots of time to talk and it would mean that I didn't have to keep any secrets. The disadvantage was that if they were upset and crying, I was stuck there until after the holiday and I would have ruined the festivities for everyone. In all my chicken-shit wisdom, I opted to wait until the Saturday after Thanksgiving. That would give us just a little time to process, but would mean that I would not ruin my entire trip if they hated me.

At first I thought that staying closeted until Saturday would be easy. Like I said, I am naïve at times. The evening I arrived I was helping my aunt and her mother cook supper and throughout the meal preparation I kept being asked if I was seeing anyone. Finally I admitted that I was but that I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. But that was not enough for my family. Oh no! They had to ask 101 questions about 'him' 'What's his name? How old is he? How long have you been seeing him?' It just went on and on. And I kept saying that I didn't want to talk about 'it'. (Notice my choice of a gender-neutral pronoun referring to the relationship instead of the girlfriend.) My aunt's mother was accosting me, explaining that I am family and MUST tell them all about my new boyfriend. I finally retorted that I lived so far away from home (in the Lone Star State) just so I could have some privacy. That seemed to shut them up for awhile.

At least until all the guests were gone, and my aunt, uncle, and I went to sit in the living room. And then my aunt informed my uncle that I had a boyfriend and that I was refusing to talk about him. This upset my uncle, but he reassured me that all he really wanted to know was that this guy treated me better than my ex-husband did. I confirmed that I was being treated very well, much better than in my marriage, and that they should not worry. I promised them that when I felt comfortable I would discuss my new relationship with them some more. And again I thought that I was off the hook.

Until the next supper was being prepared and my aunt's aunt began to attack me with questions, which again I would not answer. My aunt's aunt is pretty hip though, and knew just what to say and ask. She explained that the problem with my ex-husband was that we were the same age and that I really need to hook up with an older man. She said that if I would confirm that my new boyfriend was older than me, that she would leave me alone. Since my girlfriend was seven years older than me, I felt that this was at least a partial truth. So I confirmed that my partner (ah, another gender neutral term) was years older than me and that did seem to make a difference. I didn't mention that the biggest difference was that she had a pussy instead of a penis!

Finally, it was Thanksgiving Day. My aunt and all the other 'womenfolk' were way too busy in the kitchen to bother me. My uncle made a few snide remarks about my snotty sense of privacy, but then asked me to tell him about all my friends. And, so I did. I told him all about my best friend/roommate, another close friend I had met professionally, and my girlfriend, who I disguised as my artist friend. And I told him all about my girlfriend and how wonderful she was. And my uncle was very pleased that I had so many good friends supporting me through the good times and the bad. And I suddenly realized that he knew. HE KNEW! He was fishing for info on my friends because he was sure that one of them was my girlfriend and I would willingly tell him all about her this way. THEY ALL KNEW! I could just tell. This was both a relief and a strange version of family hell. It is difficult to have a family ?secret? that everyone knows but no one will say aloud. But if they already knew, how hard could it be to come out? And my uncle still seemed to love me, so it must be ok, right?

I called my girlfriend that evening, after the hoopla was over. I called her and explained that I knew that everyone at home already knew that I was queer. And I gave her a list of every question my aunt would ask when I would come out on Saturday. I even told her the order in which she would ask them. My girlfriend thought I was crazy and just laughed at me and told me that she loved me.

Friday no one said anything about my 'boyfriend'. Not a word. It actually started to creep me out. After dinner my aunt's aunt and I went out to get dessert, and that is when the newest approach started. The 'we love you' approach. During the car ride, my aunt's aunt told me about meeting a lesbian through her work, told me how she really could understand being a lesbian, and asked me if I couldn't understand it as well. I just hemmed and hawed, and didn't give her a very straight answer. (Straight, get it??!!) Then, in the store, she told me how my uncle was one of the greatest men she knew and would love me no matter what. This was the moment when I realized that not only did they all know, but THEY WERE ALL TALKING ABOUT ME BEING LESBIAN! Oh my G-d! I realized that waiting had been the worst mistake of the trip. Not only did they all know, but now I was the biggest gossip topic in the whole family. And not only did they all know, but they would still love me. It was the waiting and the secrecy that was making it so hard for them. That was why they were torturing me. I was very tempted to come out to my aunt's aunt that evening, but I felt wrong about telling her before my aunt and uncle. I decided that I needed time alone with my aunt and uncle and as soon as I had it, I would come out to them.

Saturday I kept asking for time with my aunt and uncle. And they were very excited to give it to me. But other people kept inviting themselves along. My cousins needed to go shopping. My aunt's family had to have brunch together. Finally, I had the whole evening alone with just my aunt and uncle. No cousins. None of my aunt's family either. Just the three of us. I wanted to go to an early dinner. But, no, oh no, they had to insist on seeing a movie first. We went to the movie. It was ok, but I was very distracted. I could only think about coming out to them throughout the movie. I had an asthma attack from all the build-up and stress. My aunt and uncle decided to take me to a new trendy restaurant that I would like. I never like the restaurants that they pick, but I was amazed at how nice this one was. Then I knew that they knew this was the 'coming out dinner'. They really did want me to feel comfortable and be honest with them. And after we were done with dinner and before coffee and desert I came out to my aunt and uncle. My aunt asked every question I thought she would, in the very order that I predicted. And then they both told me that no matter what, I was very important to them, and they loved me very much. After we left the restaurant I hooked up with the oldest of my three younger cousins and pumped her for information. Yes, they had all been talking about me, and, no, they really didn't care that I was gay, as long as I was safe, healthy, and happy.

When I flew home the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I was a very happy, secure, loved, out butch dyke, just waiting to strut my stuff with the girl of my dreams back home in Texas. That is until the girl of my dreams broke my heart and dumped my sorry ass a few months later. As you might imagine, that sent me into a spasm of loneliness and insecurity. After four and a 1/2 months of hellish internet dating, I was actually considering moving back home to my family. But a friend of mine did a tarot reading on me. And what became clear was that the answer to my romantic woe lay not in my moving away from Texas, but instead, in my finding a King of Wands to be with and sacrificing my own butch ways. Hmm, what to do? To be butch or to be femme? Or are there other alternatives in the lesbian community?.



Part IV of my Dildo Memoirs: To Butch, Or Not To Butch: That is the Question!

Dildo Memoirs: Dildo Shopping in HELL (Part II)

by Sarah

As you will hopefully remember from Part 1 of my memoirs I have been seeing women since leaving my husband of seven years and getting a divorce. And I have to admit that I have been loving every minute of my newly experienced sexual freedom and expression. But, I have encountered one small problem. Actually, my problem has been about 6 inches long. My problem has been my flimsy, flaccid, rubber jelly dildo. At the end of Part 1 I had contacted the company that had sold me the obviously inefficient dildo and found out that this dildo was not made for sex, but only for packing. Packing is when one wears a dildo under their clothing. When I received this information I was furious. I mean, who the hell wants a cock that they can't use when fucking? Wearing a dildo made only for packing made me feel impotent. So, I did what any self-respecting dyke would do: I cut that dildo up into tiny little pieces, threw the pieces out, and went shopping with my girlfriend for an attachable cock made for fucking.

Shopping for a new sex toy should be easy, right? Especially for me, a therapist and sex educator, RIGHT??? Hah! My girlfriend and I decided to take a trip to a locally owned, well respected sex shop in our city of residence. We chose this shop because it is well lit and isn't nasty in any way. No peep shows, no back rooms where guys have been jacking off, none of the gross stuff you are likely to find in a dark dive of a sex shop. We entered the shop and were feeling really good. What could be easier than buying a nice new silicone dildo? Just about anything it seems!

We started by explaining our story of woe to the saleswoman and were immediately told that if we continued to talk about sex that we would be asked to leave the store. This store, we were told, sells products for educational purposes only. But, honestly, one look around the place tells you that she was talking bullshit. She explained that they are only allowed to have a store in Texas with this high quantity of 'model items' if they are for educational purposes. Fine. Well, it isn't fine really. It is a shame that we can't talk openly and in a healthy fashion about sex in the Lone Star State, but at least the store has found a way around that dilemma.

So, my girlfriend and I started to look at the 'educational models'. And, lo & behold, there are so many different styles of dildos that my head began to spin. How in the hell was I going to pick just one? We asked if we could feel the items and were allowed to. My girlfriend jokingly said that any item I purchased could be used as a tax write-off since I write sex articles. We began to laugh over this while feeling a cyberskin cock and the saleswoman actually said to me that she could not believe that I am a sex educator since I was giggling in the store. I was dumbfounded. What was I to respond to this type of harassment? I finally mumbled something about being comfortable enough with sex to actually laugh about it, and then, sadly, I looked away. After feeling many available dildos for purchase my girlfriend and I bought a pink sparkly realistic shaped silicone dildo and got the hell out of that shop. I felt humiliated by the end of the experience and vowed to never shop at that store again.

So, my girlfriend and I went back to my place and decided to try out my new pink toy. And, the good news is that I was able to maintain a stiff, penetrating erection with my new glittery cock. The bad news is that I quickly realized that I am really no good at that bump and grind pumping motion that men seem to be able to do effortlessly. I mean, don?t get me wrong, I could pump my crotch into her crotch for a few minutes, but not long enough to help her to achieve an orgasm. Then, my girlfriend wanted to try the dildo on me. Well, I was willing to accommodate her, but she was disappointed that she could not be penetrated as well with my then current apparatus. So, after swearing never again, back to the store we went for a double dildo for her and a thigh harness for me.

The thigh harness was a brilliant purchase. Dykes everywhere need to know about these harnesses. They ROCK! It is so much easier to pump with one?s leg than to pump with one?s pelvis. The double dildo was a different story all together. That was a complete failure. We were both pretty big gals, so we thought long was good. Well, maybe so, but I kept thinking that in trying to use the damn thing that my cervix was going to be pushed into my belly-button! I swear this is all true. It was miserable and awful.

Finally we came upon the perfect shopping experience with the perfect item for sale. We checked out http://www.electriclover.com/ & purchased the ever so magnificent Ultra Harness 2000 Vac-U-Lock System. This was perfect for my girlfriend. It fitted over her crotch and allowed her to attach a big cock for fucking, a smaller dildo for her own vaginal insertion, and a butt plug for her as well. It also had a slot where she could insert a bullet vibe to stimulate her clit. My girlfriend loved it because the best way for her to get off was with clit stimulation simultaneous with both vaginal and anal penetration. In fact, I think that I may still have a few bruises from where she pumped against my hip bones so hard it hurt!

This was all just great and it was a thrilling three months of my life. I would not change a thing about it and I am glad that I went through it all. I have to admit to you though that I am seeing a new woman now. I really like this new girl. I think that she may be the one. I have decided to come out to my family over the Thanksgiving holiday. If I survive the trip 'home' I promise to write yet more of my memoirs for your reading pleasure. So?

Stay tuned for part III of my Dildo Memoirs: Oy Vey, Our Niece Is GAY!

Dildo Memoirs: Ready, Get Set, FLOP (Part I)

by Sarah

Since leaving my husband of seven years and getting a divorce I have been dating. And I have been really enjoying myself. But I am doing something very different this time around; I am only dating women. Now, this is very different than being with men, especially sexually. It is especially different for me because I am fairly butch and I am dating primarily femme chicks. They are very different from my manly man ex-husband, which for the most part is wonderful, just fabulous really. I really like being with women. They look so wonderful when they come, and they feel wonderful and sound wonderful too. There is nothing like it.

But, I must say some of my first and still very recent experiences with women have left me wondering just how women have sex with each other successfully. And, no, it isn't the oral sex. Oral sex with women is pleasantly different and easier than oral sex with men. And it isn't even the fact that it is harder to help a woman achieve orgasm than a man. Although that is certainly true, it is well worth the added effort. And although I must admit that sometimes I feel like I am doing acrobatics trying to find the right position where I can touch all the sensitive places without getting cramps in my hands and/or tongue, that really isn't what is frustrating me. No, what frustrated me were my two experiences thus far with a strap-on dildo. After using a strap-on I just don?t know how any dyke ever figured out how to have sex while using their dildo.

Picture this: it was my first Valentine's Day since my divorce and I had a date with a nice woman. And I decided that it might be nice to try packing on that very special day. Packing is when a woman wears a strap on dildo over her crotch area, underneath her clothing. Certainly not all lesbians do this, but at least some butch dykes like to do this to make themselves feel more butch and/or to turn on their partner. This seemed easy enough for me to do since I had just bought my very first inexpensive 'Get Packing Kit' which came with a two strap crotch harness & a jelly rubber dildo. So, I was wearing a brand new, gorgeous red velvet dress (OK, not very butch of me, but I am still new to lesbianism and wanted to try different roles), and underneath the dress, only my date and I knew that I was packing a hot hard cock. Except, when, hours after I arrived at her home, my date finally liberated me of all my clothing, I began to realize that I did NOT have a hot hard cock, but instead a flimsy flaccid cock in between my legs. At first I thought this was sort of funny because it never looks this limp in the lesbian porn flicks, but I figured it had more to do with how the boat rocks in the water than how it appears, feels, etc. I also hadn't considered the fact that although my date was no virgin & had used a dildo on herself, she had never had anyone take her while strapping one on before. This added to the confusion. Finding the right positions in which to penetrate my date was not easy. I found it down right impossible. And, of course, it doesn't help that unlike a penis, dildos have no nerve endings! I couldn't tell what I was doing with the darn thing. So I was dependent on my date to tell me what I was doing. And what I found out was that I was doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! The darn thing was so flaccid that it bent instead of being firm and penetrating. After trying other positions and having no further success, we laughed a lot and gave up.

I was of, of course, feeling a bit inadequate. I had always heard that a dildo was better than a man because it wouldn't ever lose its erection or come too soon. Well, what if your dildo never even gets an erection??!! What then?

Well, I am seeing a new woman. And I really like her. I mean she is great. And we have great sex. It is just wonderful. We got this idea last weekend though that we wanted to try the dildo again. I did warn her of my former dildo fiasco, but we agreed to give it one more chance. I was a bit concerned that this was going to be another big flop. I was starting to think that they must make two dildos for dykes; one type is meant for packing and is made of a pliable jelly rubber. The other is meant for sexual activities and is made of a much firmer silicone. The only thing I couldn't figure out is WHY PACK IF YOU DON?T PLAN ON USING IT??!!

But we tried, oh how we tried! I did reach a higher level of success this time in that I was able to penetrate her for brief moments. But I couldn't seem to find a way to stay inside of her and pump at the same time. Of course, it doesn't help that I had just gotten my left nipple pierced & I was afraid that if I leaned against her it would hurt like hell. So, I kept getting that moan from her that means, 'Oh thank-you Goddess, she is finally in!' I would pump a bit, and then I would hear the groan that I have come to fear so much. It is the groan that communicates as clearly as words; 'You slipped out again! Ugh, will this ever work??!!' Sadly, it didn't.

Finally I called the company that sold me the 'Get Packing Kit'. The designer of the kit confirmed my worst fears. Although the dildo included in the kit is superb for packing, most dykes find it inadequate for sexual activities. So you know what this means. It means I need to now go shopping for a new dildo, a dildo designed for penetration, not for folding in your pants.

One Woman's Coming Out Story in Progress

Coming out, for me at least, is not just a process, but a lifelong process. I know that isn't true for everyone, but maybe a few of you reading this can relate. I am a bisexual woman, or, as I like to refer to myself, a byke. However, that said, my sexuality is on a continuum and seems to shift at times. For instance, since my divorce in 1999 I have only been involved with women and haven't been sexually attracted to men. Sometimes I like to call myself sexually disoriented because that seems the most vague, and therefore, the most correct. My sexual orientation doesn't fit neatly into a box and the boundaries are blurry in my mind.

Coming out starts with coming out to one's self. Not always an easy task in this often homophobic society. When I was three or four years old I realized that I was in love with Fonzie. I told my mother and she explained that how I felt about Fonzie was called a crush. A few weeks later I told my mom that I had a crush on actress Kristy McNichol. She explained that this wasn't possible since we were both girls. Instead my mother said that I admired Kristy. That was the first time that I identified my same sex attractions. But did I come out to myself? Hell no! That?s because it was also the first time that I learned that it wasn't OK to be attracted to the same sex.

My senior year of high-school I fell in love with a female classmate. She was the virgin that all the boys wanted, and so did I. Instead of coming out to myself, however, I became homophobic of lesbians and bisexual women. It was just too scary to accept that I might be lesbian or bisexual, so therefore, those people had to be the 'other' in my mind, the freaks. The one time during high-school that a girl came onto me, I kicked her out of my home and ended our friendship. In all honesty, I found her attractive, and that is what scared me the most.

In college I found myself attracted to more and more women. But I kept telling myself that I was 'normal' and that I mostly liked men. I tried to convince myself that my attractions to women were of an intellectual nature and not a sexual one. Finally, a woman that I had been actively flirting with confronted me on this and directly propositioned me. After much angst and talking to the only friend that I felt I could trust with my sexual orientation crisis, I said yes. I realized that I really did want to have sex and/or relationships with both men and women, though not at the same time. (I am a monogamous person. Being attracted to both genders does not always mean promiscuous or polyamorous, but that is a topic for a different article.) For a long time I only told that one friend and he was really supportive. The next year of college I began I began coming out to more people. I became active in the campus lesbian organization. By my senior year I was often referred to as the 'most out lesbian on campus', even though I would say that I was a byke, not a dyke. I even came out to my mother, though no one else in the family has yet been told. In fact, my mother died a few years back, leaving me completely closeted to all of my remaining family.

About a year after I graduated from college I married a man that I had met my senior year. He knew that I was bi from the very beginning. However, I was actively rejected by the lesbian community. I was viewed as a traitor. This was very hurtful and painful for me. My husband also informed me that I was to not come out to any of his family or friends. I had moved halfway across the country for him and knew no one in my new hometown. I shamefully and painfully ran back into the closet.

In 1994 I came out to my best friend after living for over 2.5 years with this secret. My friend was a lesbian but was surprisingly supportive. I began coming out to a very small number of friends, mostly lesbians, that I felt that I could trust with this secret. At this point all of my friends from high-school, college, and graduate school, except for two, know that I am bi. I have even taken a girlfriend to synagogue with me and introduced her as my girlfriend to my rabbi. However, only two friends that I have ever made through my professional life know that I am bi, and none of my family knows either. This has been especially difficult for me since I left my marriage and have been actively dating women. All of my co-workers and family are worried that I am not dating. The truth is that I am, but do not feel comfortable sharing this at work or with my family. Why if it is so difficult do I choose to keep this secret? I don't feel safe. I am afraid that my surviving family will judge me. I am afraid to come out at work because I am afraid of both covert and overt homophobia by both the agency for which I work and the clients that we serve. I can't afford since my divorce to lose the emotional support of my family or the financial support of my job. If I become involved in a long-term relationship with a woman I have sworn to myself that I will come out to both my family and co-workers. I can't keep a person a secret. I have to admit though, that this is a scary prospect about which to think.

I am sitting in my tent at the 25th Annual Michigan Women's Music Festival, writing this article. In all of my life I have never felt so damn queer, so damn proud, and so much at home. I want to scream it off the tent-tops. However, most of the time I let the 6500 other women here think that I am a dyke just like them. So, even in the lesbian community I am closeted. At least, unlike last year, this year I came out in the Jewish Women tent as a byke. And I survived. I think that is progress.

I hope that by the time that I die that I will be totally authentic with everyone important in my life. But until I feel safe enough for that, I hope to accept myself and where I am in this seemingly life-long process of coming out.

Canadian Gigolo

Meet Craig. He's handsome, sensitive and yours, for a price. Georgie went out with a $100-an-hour call boy and learned a lot. About herself.

I look from side to side as the maître d' leads us to our table at the Café Victoria in Toronto's King Edward Hotel. We settle into a corner banquette at the far end of the restaurant while I continue looking ever so slightly over each shoulder, wanting to be seen but a little embarrassed. I've tried my hardest to shed some of my 45 years with a slimming, beige silk-blend dress, a windswept gamine hairdo and carefully applied, creamy nude lipstick to emphasize my best feature, my mouth. We sink into the soft cushions. It's private and we have much to discuss.

My date tonight is "Craig"--a tall, blond, burly 27-year-old former hockey player--and we both have only one thing on our minds.

Craig is costing me $100 an hour.

For that, he's mine. We can have dinner and just talk or I might simply move my fantasy date upstairs, order a nice bottle of Pol Roger champagne, instead of just the glass I'm sipping on, dim the lights and enjoy a much more intimate evening. That's because this cuddly boy with the Mel Gibson eyes makes his living in a financial institution by day, but by night he's a male escort. Since he started in the business seven years ago, he's dated between 200 and 300 women. Of those, he's, ahem, gone the distance horizontally with about 30.

Ever since Richard Gere cuddled up to Lauren Hutton in American Gigolo and whispered, "Did you make the right decision last night?," I've fantasized about the freedom, the control, the sheer fun of ordering up a good-looking man whenever I felt like it. A man who would listen to me, laugh at my jokes and have mind-blowing sex.

I know more than a couple of women who are bright, attractive and funny, but who, faced with the dating wasteland of the ' 90s, have resigned themselves to a seat for one at the sushi bar and a frequent-renter's card at the video store. I'm getting a divorce myself and am always on the lookout for business ideas, so I toyed with the idea of setting up an escort service for them--and myself, of course, but I wasn't quite ready to get into "madam" territory.

Then, coincidentally, Chatelaine challenged me to find and date a male escort, expenses paid. It was an irresistible dare. My first reaction? "In your dreams, girls!" I'd heard about an Australian man who boasted about the women who paid him for sex, but that was one guy on the other side of the world. Anyone who catches Jerry Springer knows you can find somebody, somewhere, who does anything you want, but this is Canada. We wanted a male escort with a maple leaf on the flagpole, so to speak. I was skeptical but I would try.

My second reaction was "If I find a guy, this is going to be fun." So, I asked my single friends if they had ever dated a gigolo. Everybody said no, but that doesn't mean much. Men never admit to dating a paid escort, and they certainly exist.

After checking out various magazines and newspapers, I combed the alternative press and found lots of men, but only available for other men. Then it struck me...the Internet, the bastion of all things prurient. I typed in the words "male escorts for females." Up came the names of Craig and about 10 other Canadians.

At first, it was a little hard to believe. But as I spoke to Craig over the phone, it didn't seem that far out. Craig seemed quite credible. I asked him some pretty explicit questions and he didn't laugh. He was matter-of-fact about the sex part, almost clinical, like your doctor describing a Pap smear.

We made a date for the King Edward in two weeks. Meanwhile, I continued my research. It led not only to at least one other male escort who I came to believe is real, but also to some interesting revelations, especially from my pals, about the whole business.

The other escort I found was in Vancouver. "Akili" described himself as tall, 27 years old, black, with a shaved head. A fantasy man. And true to form, he was fun to talk to. Our conversation had my female friends in a frenzy. "Most of the women I take out want companionship, someone to listen." Now, that made sense--a guy to take to fancy dinners and the ballet. (Craig told me later he' d seen every play in Toronto--Miss Saigon five times. Regular guys just don't like plays.)

But sometimes it progresses to wild and woolly sex, Akili said. "I had two women at the same time. One woman gave me to her girlfriend as a birthday present. It was wild and exciting." I'll bet. My hairdresser wanted his number. "He' d be the perfect gift for my friend who's turning 30," she said.

How did he make love to a woman he didn't find attractive? Out poured lines such as "Each woman is beautiful in her own way" and "It's great to stimulate the mind and not just the body."

The guy was slick. It's his job to make women feel great. But most women have their female antennae so well tuned to male insincerity that Akili's talk would have the vibrations knocking them unconscious in no time at all. Most of us enjoy having a man wax poetic about how soft our skin is, but whispers in the ear shouldn't feel like part of a guy's job description.

While all this was going on with Craig and Akili, I kept polling my friends about their views on stud services. A long-time buddy in Ottawa told me, "I don't think I would pay for sex, but I could see using a male escort to make an old boyfriend jealous." Akili remembers, "One woman's husband was cheating on her; she wanted revenge. We went down to the store her husband manages with the keys to one of the storage rooms. We had sex there standing up. Then she told him what happened and now they are getting divorced."

Sounds fun at first, but how would you feel about yourself after such a binge? My friend said she' d be happy to date an escort at a restaurant where her old flame could see them. But wouldn't sending your ex dead flowers give you a nice warm feeling without trashing your own reputation too?

But let's say you weren't looking for revenge--just sex, which is obviously a dial-a-hunk specialty. Well, most women anxious to save their hard-earned money for another pair of shoes or a weekend away with the girls would find it difficult to splurge on this. After all, couldn't most of us walk into a bar and get it for free if we were that desperate? Then again, not many guys look like Akili....

I was veering back and forth on the male escort question when I dropped my anchor at Sue Johanson's dock. Johanson, the well-known sex educator/counselor, thinks they' re a pretty good idea. She argues that not only are you going to have complete control, but you will get what you want. "Most of them are very attractive; you don't get any huge beer bellies and you usually get guys who have good communication skills, are good listeners and good lovers." But as we talked, she introduced the concept of the sex buddy, for those times you are between regular sex situations. A sex buddy is a man you have sex with but you don't have to pay him.

These guys can be found anywhere. They could be an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend; even just good friends who are happy to oblige you with no strings attached. Their idea of fun may be hanging around in their bathrobes and watching Fashion Television, but if you' re just looking for good old-fashioned sex, why not just call up a buddy?

Still, how many of us have a sex buddy in our back pocket? I mean, calling up an ex-boyfriend might boomerang you back into his heart, not just his arms. And that would never do. You' d be back where you started.

I'm due to meet Craig in four hours and I'm getting nervous. A trip to the hairdresser's (can you make me look 25?) and my favorite dress should do the trick. I can't believe I am going on a date with a gigolo. Will he be Armani-suave like Richard Gere or piles of pecks like Fabio?

To my amazement, when I walk into the King Edward and spy an attractive, young blond man in the lobby and mouth the name Craig, he nods back at me. Wearing a deep blue shirt, flowered tie and grey pants, he's talkative and polite.

Craig tells me he started in university after he and two buddies were offered a chance to work for an escort service. It has now closed down, but he decided to keep his shingle out. As he speaks, I'm rethinking the whole notion. Indeed, if I believed Craig and I were actually here to do what he is often paid for, I'd run screaming from the restaurant. It would just seem too cold-blooded to be sitting here thinking, "Well, I'll have the salad and the salmon and for dessert, this young man."

But even if I could get past my revulsion, how safe would sex be with a man who puts sexual intercourse on his r鳵m鿠Both Craig and Akili wear two condoms, which one of my male friends says is like applying Novocain to the area. Craig admits, "It's not that great, but I have to do it. I don't want to catch anything." They also stick to regular intercourse, although Craig says, "I'll have oral sex with my regulars." Akili is happy to tie you up and spank you if that's what you want, but Craig shies away from it. "One woman wanted me to do that, but I was worried she would call the police and I'd be in big trouble."

Craig is nearly 20 years my junior. "My parents are 48 years old." Oops? three years older than I am. I feel like a dirty old lady asking him questions about sex. How would I feel actually doing the deed? And how could I know whether he finds me attractive? Asking straight out wouldn't help--I would never believe him if he said yes.

Then there's the whole electricity thing. Craig is cute and athletic and even a good talker, but sparks aren't flying down below. I could invest in a few more dates to get myself interested, but by then we' d have a relationship. I'd be back where I could be for free, exactly what I'm trying to avoid here. (Actually, both Akili and Craig admitted they have fallen in love with clients: the bad part, an emotional relationship you may not want; the good part, they stop charging.)

I don't think Craig even likes having sex on the first date. "If someone wanted me just for sex, they would have to pay a lot more." He tells me he prefers being that sympathetic ear or good company at the theater. But, hey, my girlfriends fill those needs and they' re not charging.

Remember the term "zipless fuck" from Erica Jong's book Fear of Flying? The idea was to have no-strings sex with a man who you hardly knew--only to discover your passion disappearing as you got to know him. The truth is exactly the opposite for me and many other women. It's knowing those endearing little weaknesses, seeing those funny high school photos and knowing all of his family foibles that make a guy fascinating and desirable. And I think even Jong's narrator eventually found relationships more fun than the zipless fucking she described.

After our evening, Craig and I go our separate ways. If I see him on a Toronto street, I promise to wink and smile...and who knows? He is a financial consultant by day. Maybe he can give me some advice on where to invest my money.

It's been a great trip around male-escort land, teasing my imagination with a what-if scenario while knowing that I have enough room on my Visa card for at least one encounter. But even though I've had the chance to taste the forbidden fruit, once I get up close to it, I'm not sure if I want the whole banana.

One of my friends says the difference between the sex you pay for and the sex you get for free is that the free sex costs you more.

I'm sticking with the free stuff.

Date Rape and Date Rape Drugs

Date Rape is the most prevalent form of rape committed against high school and college age women. While most victims of rape do know their attackers, date rape can be especially traumatic to the victims because their attacker is someone they trust.

Date rape occurs typically when a woman is alone with a man of which she has no initial fear. When they are on a date, a woman's defense can be down, thus making her unprepared and unaware of the dangers around her.

Setting sexual limitations early, avoiding situations where you feel uneasy, driving separately and letting someone know where you are going and what time you expect to be back are precautions that can be taken to avoid date rape. However, date rape can still happen.

Sadly, date rape has many allies, such as Rohypnol, Ketamine, and GHB. Better known as date rape drugs, these sedatives are introduced into the body by being mixed into an unsuspecting persons drink, often rendering them unconscious within an hour.

Rohypnol, also known as roofies, is by far the most popular of all date rape drugs. It leaves no detectable taste, order, or color therefore making it undetectable to a victim. While comparable to Valium, Rohypnol can cause impaired judgment, loss of inhibition, dizziness, unconsciousness, often time?s amnesia, and is ten times the strength.

Ketamine, a general anesthetic used in both animals and humans and GHB, a drug arguably promoted as a muscle builder, are also used as date rape drugs. Due to the possibility of serious side effects, such as oxygen loss to the brain and muscles with Ketamine and respiratory distress or even death when GHB is mixed with alcohol, these drugs are often less popular then Rohypnol.

While it is illegal to manufacture, distribute, or possess Rohypnol in the United States, it is surfacing more and more due to its increasing popularity. To protect yourself from these drugs, never leave your drink unattended, never accept a drink from anyone but the bartender, and avoid alcohol on a date as it can impair your ability to recognize the symptoms of date rape drugs.

Date rape is a serious crime that is all to often committed. Awareness about date rape and date rape drugs is the best defense against this crime. If you're not sure about the person you are dating, make your date a double date. Go out in groups and agree before hand to watch each other's drinks. Most importantly, if you or someone you know shows symptoms of a date rape drug, call 911 and seek medical attention immediately.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Recognising Mr. Right or “Will my soulmate please stand up!”

am one of the lucky people in life. I am married to the man I know is my soulmate. When I tell people this, the question they generally get around to asking is “How did you know he was your soulmate?” Simple question you’d think, but the answer is not so simple because I don’t know. Honestly, I just knew.

We met on-line and I knew that I loved Mikael before we even met physically, because I knew what he thought about life, what he liked, how he interacted with me, and many little things that go to make up a man without a physical identity. On the day that we met in person, I was apprehensive that the “real” person would be unrecognisable as the man I had corresponded with many times daily for the past 7 months. I wasn’t prepared for the emotion that I felt when I first looked into his eyes and he took my hand however! I immediately knew that this wasn’t a passing fancy, or even a short-term affair. That this was IT. The big one that we all search for. Before I experienced this moment, I would never have believed it possible, although soulmate couples I have spoken to since assure me that they felt the same way. There was no fanfare playing in my mind, there was no fire burning passionately within me, there was just an over-riding sense of calmness deep within that here was my forever and this was where I was meant to be.

Of course at that time I didn’t know what he was feeling. I was nervous because I thought, “What if he is my soulmate but he doesn’t like me?” I had nothing to fear. It took him a couple of days to get around to telling me, because he was so surprised at the depths of his feelings for me that he had to get used to it first, but when he did, we were the happiest people on the earth. We were so relaxed about it all, as if we’d known all along that this is how it would turn out and of course everyone would understand. Those who saw us together did, those who didn’t were sceptical but have come to learn that this relationship was one that was meant to be.

Before writing this article I asked Mikael how he knew I was his soulmate. He looked at me for a few minutes and then laughed. “I don’t know, I just did!” he eventually replied. And that’s how it is. If you meet your soulmate, you don’t need to ask “How will I know?” because deep down within your soul, your spirit will leave you in no doubt that this is the partner that you should spend the rest of your life with.

Take a Chance on a Blind Date

Anyone who was or is single past the age of 20 has likely been set up on a blind date. We’ve all heard the horror stories; dates that were so awful people have sworn off blind dating forever. But blind dates don’t have to be terrible! They can actually be a lot of fun and a good way to meet some great people, if you know how to scout them out.

First and foremost, make sure that the person setting you up knows you well. Close friends, co-workers with good taste and a large circle of friends, or even relatives all likely know people who you would have a great time with. Chances are they haven’t even considered setting you up, so all you need to do is plant the idea in their heads and watch it take root. Once the topic comes up, tell them a few things you look for in a mate – humor, sensitivity, gainful employment – whatever is important to you. You’re not likely to end up with someone who meets every criteria you dream up, but relationships are all about compromise. Figure out what you’re willing to compromise on, and what you can’t or won’t.

A word of caution here: be wary of well-intentioned people who just want to see you in a relationship. They don’t really care who it is you’re with, they just think that being single must be lonely and want to see you hook up with someone. Anyone. Asking them to help you find a date is a big mistake, because they’ll set you up with the first single person of the opposite sex they come across, and they will take it personally if things don’t work out. They’ll also make it their personal mission to find you a match, and that can be excruciatingly difficult to get yourself out of once you’re in the thick of it.

When someone approaches you with their idea of the perfect blind date, ask questions. Is the person you’re being set up with outgoing? Does he or she have a job? Are they into any of the same things you’re into? Most importantly, have they been set up with many other people in the past? If someone is trying to sell you on a blind date with a person who makes a career out of blind dating, chances are they’re not “keeper” material. There’s a reason none of the dates have turned into steady relationships, and a good chance that your friend is suggesting this person because the serial blind dater has been pestering your friend to set them up again.

Now that you’ve got a date set up, it’s time for a bit of planning. Deciding where to go is the first step, and the location should be somewhere very public and lots of fun. A new restaurant, a bowling alley, a dance club, mini-putt, or any place there will be a lot of people and sufficient things to talk about when the conversation wanes.

You should never, ever agree to a first date with someone you’ve never laid eyes on at their home, or worse, yours. It’s tough to get out of sticky situations when you’re alone with someone, and even if your date has been highly recommended by someone you trust, you never know what could happen. Don’t take the chance. Keep it public until you’ve had a chance to get to know them.

Go into the date with a good attitude. Don’t assume it will be a huge disappointment, and conversely, don’t think you’re about to meet your future husband or wife. If you kick things off with the intention of having fun and getting to know someone new, you’ll have a much better time, be more relaxed, and be less disappointed if things don’t work out.

Once the date is underway, treat it like any other date. There’s nothing different about a blind date except for the way it was arranged, so now you’re on your own. If you have fun, arrange to see each other again. If not, you can always end the evening with, “It was great meeting you! Maybe we’ll run into each other again at Carol’s.” When the person that set you up asks how your evening went, be honest. If you didn’t like the person you were set up with tell them, and explain why. But leave yourself open to another date with someone new. Dating can be like fishing; you end up throwing a lot back, but eventually you’ll end up with a prize catch.

There’s no denying that there is a stigma attached to the whole experience of blind dating. But if you have a good attitude and let trusted friends help you out, you might find it’s not that horrible after all!

Top 5 Tips for First Date

No matter how many times you’ve dated, when it’s your first time to date a person, you’re sure to feel butterflies in your stomach once more, worry about what to say and what not to, what to wear and all those other problems associated with dating. But anyhow, worrying is normal. If you don’t worry, you might become overconfident and that’s not a good thing.

To ensure that you’ll have a hassle-free first date, here’s a checklist to keep and guide you from the moment your eyes meet till the time he tells you goodnight.

Dating Tip #1 – Be Prompt
Say what you want about the fashionable late excuse but promptness is a virtue and if you’re dating someone who actually thinks less of you just because you’re on time, dump him! But chances are, a lot of men would be impressed if the woman they’re dating arrive on time or is dressed up and ready to go the moment they knock on the door.

Dating Tip #2 – Dress Appropriately but Dress Well
It’s hard to find the balance between dressing well and dressing appropriately so if you have difficulties finding the perfect dress, never hesitate to ask your friends for help. It’s imperative to dress appropriately when dating because you surely don’t want to stand out in a crowd for the wrong reasons.

On the other hand, you want to dress well when dating because you do want to stand out in a crowd for the right reasons and make your man proud.

Dating Tip #3 – Let Him Lead but Take the Initiative As Well
Okay, I know, here I am with another contradictory dating advice but really, it’s quite a sensible dating tip so let me explain why.

First, you have to let him lead because when dating, it’s usually the guy who calls the shots so let him execute whatever dating plans he have. When it comes to conversation, however, that’s the time to take the initiative because the only way for your date to become successful is if both persons are talking and opening up.

Dating Tip #4 – Be Assertive, Not Aggressive
It’s nice if a woman knows what she wants and goes for it but a woman who ignores all the signs and simply barges in, uncaring of what other people would think, is definitely not a woman anyone would ordinarily want to date.

Dating Tip #5 – Be Attuned to the Signs
If you think that your date went phenomenally well and you want to end it with a kiss, be alert to body movements and see whether he want to end things with a kiss as well. If he does but he’s hesitating, that’s the time you could make the first move.

Break Up Phases

Remember all the happy times you had when you where together? When you were in love? Here’s a reality check for some people. Not all relationships could end up happily ever after. When you put your heart out, there will always be a risk involved. There’s a risk involved that you might end up separated. When that happens all the happy memories have just been broken like a glass mirror.

When it breaks like a glass mirror the pain of stepping into the shreds of glass will also be included. The pain of breaking up is very hard. This is especially true if you have been taken by surprise. But if you both mutually agree the pain could be minimized.

After breakup, a person will usually enter into various stages. The 1st or earliest stage of the breakup will be the mist painful. Like every wounds though, time will heal all things.

One of the earliest stages of a breakup is the denial stage. This stage makes a person still have a hard time admitting that it is over already. People at this stage will usually make ways to just get a glimpse of their ex. Hoping to take a glimpse makes them believe that the pain will be resolved. This is quite the opposite though. When you keep on checking on your ex, it shows that you are not able to move on. The real way to recover from it is that you should face facts. That ear in your life is over, move on.

The hardest stage of the whole break-up is when we have finally accepted the fact that it really is over. This is because after thinking that it really is over, you will naturally feel depressed and hopeless. When you get depressed or hopeless, you will lose control of the things you’d do with ease. To get past this stage, try to remember the times when you were single. Think about the times in your life that were fun when you were single. How you can be able to do things without her.

If for some reason the breakup was really bad, it is natural to experience anger. The anger you have is a great way to relive all the tensions. When you get angry during this stage, try to be angry at yourself too. Think about all the things you went wrong and your ex has gone wrong and just learn from them.

Finally, it is important to learn to accept the reality. If you think about it, there may be a better someone for you out there or the two of you just are not right as of the moment. But will eventually fix things together in the distant future.

Wanted: A Soulmate

In my generation it wasn’t expected that a woman left school and married. Society had changed. Feminists had decreed that women should now have the right choose - as long as they chose to have a career and not become like their mothers, chained to the kitchen sink. Unfortunately I was a little out of step with the rest of my peers. I wanted nothing more than to be married to the man of my dreams and raise our family of little ones. However, life has a habit of intervening on your hopes for the future, and pretty soon I found myself aged 30, single, and in a secure career at a local University.

This was far from what I wanted. Suddenly I realised that biology being what it was, if I wanted a family, I had better start doing something about it. The problem was that I didn’t know how. My time was mainly spent at work. I left home at 7.00 am each morning, and didn’t returned until 8.00 pm most evenings. With those hours, the only place that a woman was likely to meet a man was at a bar and since I neither drink alcohol nor smoke, nor was I looking for a man who did, a bar wasn’t the place I would find my “Mr Wonderful”. I didn’t know what to do. I became more and more unhappy about the situation. I felt trapped, and yet I knew the prison was of my own making.

Technology was progressing and one day the “world” arrived in my office in the shape of the Internet. I love computers. Pretty soon I’d mastered the art of email and surfing. All kinds of doors opened up to me. I belonged to mailing lists of people with similar interests to my own. I corresponded by email with people doing similar jobs to me in other parts of the country, Australia, and Canada. I become involved with an international cross-stitch project. The Internet brought me out of myself and showed me another world. Then the thought came to me - could I find a man on the web?

I corresponded with a few who were looking for partners, and also with one who was looking for a pen pal. As the “partners” turned out not to be my dream men, my correspondence with my pen pal continued and flourished. I looked forward to going to work each day eager to read his messages. Eagerly I checked my email during the day to see what he was doing in his. As the weeks turned into months, we talked about everything. He constantly told me that he loved me and that I was the girl for him, but I didn’t believe him. We were just pen pals. Or so I thought until one day I realised something very important. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I had fallen in love with someone I had never met!

Our relationship deepened. We knew we had to meet up in person and so I travelled to Sweden and spent 10 days with him. From the moment we met I knew that this man was not only as sincere as his emails, but the man I had spent my life searching for. My soulmate. Leaving him was heartbreaking. He made reservations to travel to the UK in the summer and we counted the months, then the weeks, and finally the days and hours until we could be together once again. By the time we met again in August 1998 we were engaged to be married, and had set a date for December 1998.

We spent a couple of days talking about wedding plans and then realised that we didn’t want this kind of wedding. We wanted something smaller and more personal. So when Mikael asked me if I’d marry him the next day, much to his surprise I said “yes”! It wasn’t quite the next day, it was four days later in fact, when we stood at the Registry Office making our vows - Mikael in his new suit, and I in my dream wedding dress, which had miraculously been at the store when Mam and I went looking for something for me to wear. It was an intimate gathering. Only 8 people including ourselves watched the exchange of rings - and it was perfect. The only cloud hovering overhead was that Mikael had to return to Sweden alone.

Once more we counted weeks until we could be together. During this time I was working my notice at work. There were plenty of people who told me that I was making a mistake, that I’d miss working, but they didn’t know me very well. Even the thought of being a wife and mother sent butterflies of excitement racing around my stomach. Unbeknown to most people, this was what I had always wanted. Then in December 1998, Mikael returned to the UK to spend Christmas with my family and to take his bride back to Sweden with him. I worked my last day and left the office with a sigh of satisfaction. I was ready to start my new life. The life I had longed for over many lonely years.

Married life was all I hoped it would be and more. We put our home together and filled it with love and laughter. In July 2000 our happiness was increased when two became three, and our son Jake was brought into the world. In 2003, the birth of our second son Connor saw the completion of our family unit, and a circle of happiness closed around us. The life I have now is worth every one of those empty years that preceded it. I just wish I’d known then that my dream would come true if I were patient enough!

Single Life Has An Upside

When thinking of single life, most people think of singles as people looking to “find that special someone”. But, not everyone is happy in the confines of a relationship. Single life doesn’t have to be lonely, or sad. You control your own happiness.
Night life can be so much fun as a single. There’s the freedom of what to wear, were to go, and how late you can stay out. No one will be waiting up to scold you about going out to have a great time.
The great thing about being single is that you can really check out life. There are so many amazing things you can see and do before you settle down. You can take a cruise, back pack across Europe, explore the wild, or just plain do what you want. This may raise the question, ‘why can’t you do this with someone you’re dating?’ Well, you can, but the point is you don’t have to b with someone to enjoy the fruits of life.
A wonderful upside to single life is dating. Meeting great guys or gals that you never would have known had you not gone out with them. By all means if you stumble across that special person hang onto them. In the meantime however, down get down on your self for being single. Get out there and do what makes you happy.
You need to keep in mind that you are not the only single person out there. There are singles bars, magazines, and there are chat rooms for everyone. So even if you don’t want to actually meet anyone, but you would still like some conversation, you could look on line for someone to talk to. Just remember to have fun and be safe no matter what you do.

Dating Tips for Guys

Doing things for the first time is often a difficult task. Usually, in some situations, after getting through the first time, the next time will become easier. This may be untrue to dating. When dating a different person you will always have to readjust yourself. You would need to figure out how to always make the date be fun when dating something new.

In fact, dating could be considered one of the most complex first things to do. It could be rated way up there together with learning to bike for the first time. You will get some wounds and bruises, you may not get the girl you like enjoy the date, but after a few more tries, the problems become fewer. Here are some tips that can make you feel more at ease with first dates.

The usual first date is a way for both parties to know more about one another. So the date will usually be an intimate dinner followed by a movie or coffee. Since it is a first date, it will be pretty nerve racking for some. But if you try to get your mind set right and follow some basic rules all can get smoothly. Here are some tips for both men and women as to how to make conversation easier.

Guys:

  • Learn more about her work. After, try to dig deeper if she’s open about her desire and goals. This immediately shows that you are willing to respect and help her out.
  • She will really appreciate it when you give her a compliment. She gave a whole lot of time just to look pretty for you.
  • Try to listen about the similarities you had and base your conversations or future things to do on that. You may also see how compatible you are.
  • Be prepared with easy subjects to talk about in case your mind goes black. Prepare subjects such as movies, music and food.
  • Before displaying your values and beliefs, try to check what hers are first.
  • Forget about yourself the whole time. The whole date is making sure that she’s the center of your attention.
  • The two most important things are that you make sure listen for the whole time and don’t act like a jerk by bull shitting stuff.
  • We can’t help to be horny men. So when her breasts are rocking, make your eyes stare at something else.
  • When the date is going well, it is obvious to know when to make some moves.
  • Be confident and make great eye contacts.


Guys, these tips are really not that complex. It would be pretty easy to follow these basic guidelines. Remember that you would only need to sacrifice a few dates and afterwards, you can now go back to being a regular jerk.

Things To Remember In The Dating Scene

You’re reasonably attractive, definitely single, considerably intelligent and you have a great sense of humor BUT you still find yourself nervous about your belated entry to the dating scene and joining the hundreds of available men and women out there, all who are vying, like you, for the chance to find themselves in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Maybe you’ve lived in a cloistered convent all your life or you’ve been Mrs. Tom Smith since the day you turned sixteen but somehow and someway, you are now about to try your hand at dating in the hopes of finding that elusive Mr. or Ms. Right. You want to be at your very best but you don’t know what to do.
Well, it’s just your luck because the dating guru is about to share with you a piece of her mind.

THERE’S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF
The first thing you have to do is understand that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Dating is just meeting someone else and getting to know each other. How can you have fun if you’re scared to death about making the wrong move? Chances are, the person you’re dating may also be hiding a well of insecurities behind his or her charming smile so that puts you both on the same boat, doesn’t it?

DON’T PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU AREN’T
That’s just going to make things worse because you’re trying to make someone fall in love with someone else – someone who’s certainly not you! And even if you succeed in making your dating partner like the image you projected, what do you think would happen five dates after? What happens if your dating partner finds out the truth?

EXERT JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF EFFORT
When dating, no matter if you’re the girl or the boy, the success of a date depends on the effort that BOTH of you exert. Don’t let the other person do all the talking. Be fair and take the initiative too, once in a while, in opening a topic until both of you are comfortable enough with each other.
But neither should you exert too much effort. Don’t trip on your own too feet as you try to impress your partner by being extra chivalrous or extra charming by smiling all night. You’d just come off as weird, you know. Simply put, be yourself. That’s really all it takes. But do remember to be your best self and not your worst!

Compromise: lasting relationships take work

Yes, happily ever after can happen, however, it is not the blissful, magical experience described in fairy tales. In the real world, lasting relationships take work, and compromise is the key.

It is human nature to take more than you are willing to give. This must change as you grow and attempt to strengthen the bonds of your intimate relationships.

This is not to say that you must always be the one to give in. No one is suggesting that you become a doormat. That is why compromise works so well; it demands that both partners give something up in order to take something from the exchange.

Granted, there are situations where compromise is not appropriate, such as when abuse is occurring. If that is the case, there is no room for compromise. You do not owe an abusive person a thing. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation and move on.

Concerning day-to-day problems, on the other hand, compromise can be a huge step toward improving a relationship. Ask yourself some tough questions, and answer honestly.

Are you able to admit that your way is not the only suitable way of doing things? Are you willing to give up part of what you want in order to make the situation bearable for your partner? If you are not willing to meet the other person half way then how can you expect that person to give up what they want for you?

Sometimes compromise takes on another form. It has to do with beliefs. Perhaps you vote differently than your significant other does, and you have strong feelings about your political beliefs. Most likely, neither of you will change the other person’s mind. This form of compromise is called “agreeing to disagree.”

It may sound like an easy solution, but it is not always that easy. You may claim that your partner’s beliefs do not bother you, but far too often, you really want to change your partner’s mind.

You probably think that if you can just help your loved one see the situation from your perspective, your partner will turn around. Unfortunately, that is unlikely to happen, and the two of you will probably continue to butt heads.

You know that nobody is going to convince you that your feelings are wrong, so stop trying to convince your partner. Once your partner knows exactly where you stand on a particular issue, end the discussion. Do not continue trying to force your opinion. Learn to respect your partner’s opinion (no matter how wrong you might feel it is) and try not to allow yourself to become angry or upset. Do not go back to arguing over an issue that the two of you will never agree on. Pick your battles, because there certainly will be others.

Working through disagreements and differing opinions can be frustrating, but if you really want the relationship to work, you will find a way. Hold true to what you believe in and do not ever give that up for anyone, but don’t expect anyone to give up their beliefs for you.

If you and your partner cannot compromise on an issue and it is something that defines your core values, you may have to re-think the relationship. Such a relationship will be fraught with problems and issues that cannot be resolved. Think in terms of marriage, lifetime commitment, and trying to raise children with two very different belief systems in place. Are you willing to work that hard?

In summary, there are situations in which no compromise is possible, but when compromise can provide a solution that is mutually beneficial, it is the best way to strengthen a relationship.

Finding the One

So when it comes to relationships this is the ultimate goal. The end result of dating. Finding that one woman who you love and who loves you. However in the dating scene there are many false leads. Most of the time it’s a woman who falls in love with the man and ends up with her heart broken, however recently more men end up falling in love with a woman who isn’t the one. For some men this is an ongoing trend. Before you get down on one knee and pledge your life to a woman there are a few things you should ask yourself.

How long have you known her?

If the answer is less than a year, get off your knee and go on some more dates. This is a hard thing to do because usually your emotions are telling you the exact opposite. But until you have been with a person at least a year, there is still plenty you don’t know about them. This is the reason divorce rates are so high. Act on logic, not emotion. Usually that is easier said than done. Think about one thing however. If she is the one, what’s the rush? If you’re scared that she may go away if you don’t act soon, then she isn’t the one. I’m not saying date the woman for 5 years. But if you met her last week and tell her you love her, and then 2 months down the line you ask her to marry you…..well you’re heading in a bad direction.

Do you know her history?

Ah Skeletons in the closet, you’re curious about her past, but scared at the same time. This is perfectly normal. It’s easy to just turn a blind eye and pretend you are the first guy she has dated and she has no previous history, but it’s not recommended. Now don’t go hiring a private investigator. If you have to do something like that then the relationship is already over. But don’t be scared to ask her questions. If some things about her past don’t add up, then ask her about it. Do not accuse her of things because then she will get defensive and that can cause more problems. Remember, rarely do skeletons stay in the closet. If there is something bad from her past that you don’t know odds are it will come back at the least opportune moment. If you find out now then it probably won’t affect you much. But if it just “pops up” then it can be devastating.

Is she trustworthy?

When was the last time she has lied to you. What was it about? Has she done it before? Will she lie again? Trust is huge in a relationship. If you don’t trust her then it is probably for a reason. Without trust a relationship is useless. You will get paranoid, you may act out, or you may just be miserable because you never actually know what she is doing. Putting yourself through this is not worth it. If she isn’t trustworthy don’t waste your time. She isn’t going to change

Is there Compromise?

You and she are two separate people. Therefore both of you will have different ways of doing things. The key is compromise. You have to give a little to get a little. First of all, if she is demanding and you cave into her, then that is how it’s going to be the rest of your life with her. Women can be tough to compromise with sometimes, but if you give in to everything she says, then it won’t be a healthy relationship. It works the other way also. Although on the outside it may sound good for her to give into everything you say, in the long run it doesn’t work. The problem is that she isn’t switching her views to be your views; she is repressing her views and feelings to make you happy. Eventually this will build up and usually explodes without any warning. Both you and your partner should compromise on subjects that you have different opinions on. Sometimes one person may feel very strongly about something, and in cases like those it’s ok to give in. However if this occurs often, it’s a problem.

If you can answer these questions with a positive answer, then you should go ahead and make your move. She may be the one; there is never a way to know for sure. But if your prepared, and realize that your making one of the biggest decisions of your life, then good luck and more power to you.

Intimate Communication: Discussing Sex

Talking about sex, especially when it involves unmet needs or different desires, can be a challenge. We don’t want to put ourselves in such a vulnerable position, we don’t want to be judged by our partner, and we certainly don’t want our needs greeted with indifference or contempt. Fearing these things and more, we often shy away from discussing one of the most intimate areas of our relationship.

Yet, if we are comfortable enough to take our clothes off and have sex with a person, we should be comfortable enough to discuss sex, including likes and dislikes. There are several key elements to making such discussions less anxiety producing for both partners.

The first element is avoiding such discussions while in bed, or directly after making love. No one wants to feel like their lovemaking techniques are being critiqued. There is a much greater chance of being met with hostility if you choose to have such a discussion during or directly after lovemaking. Wait until you are in a relaxed, private setting outside the bedroom and think about what you want to say before saying it.

Another important thing to keep in mind is to avoid making statements that sound like accusations. For example, if you say, “I like it better when you rub my legs instead of my arms,” you are giving your partner good information. You will get a better response than if you say; “You always rub my arms instead of my legs and I hate that.”

Remember that your mate may have some issues too, and be open to listening without getting offended. You can’t expect your mate to openly accept your comments and then react negatively when he or she voices needs or desires, likes or dislikes. Be aware that there are most likely some things that your mate doesn’t like and be prepared to deal with this knowledge. Don’t take it as an insult; take it for what it is, honest communication.

Also, never criticize or make light of your partner’s comments. If it is important enough for the person to mention, it is important enough for you to pay attention. In a loving relationship, getting these things out in the open should come as a relief instead of coming as an insult. If you want to improve your relationship, you must know where the trouble spots are if you hope to fix them.

Even if you are content in the relationship, make a conscious effort to notice whether your partner seems truly happy or is just going through the motions. If he or she seems to be holding back, or isn’t as interested in sex as before, you may need to draw the other person into conversation (no matter how much you might prefer to avoid it).

Sexual problems, much like other problems, will not go away if you ignore them. Instead, work to develop a relationship based on open communication, especially when it comes to sex, and you and your partner will both be happier for it.

First date Do's and Dont's

First dates are a necessary evil in the lives of singles. They combine the pressure of job interviews with the artificiality of plastic flowers. First dates are a necessary evil in the lives of singles.; all the while you're observing each move your date makes with the suspicious air of a judge looking down her nose at a defendant. With all the high hopes, expectations and fears men and women bring to the table on a first date, it's a wonder anyone makes it to the second these days. To aid in the progress of l'amour au courant, here are some first date do's and don'ts.


DO



  1. Be yourself. Let me amend that to "be your best self." This is not the time to admit to all the vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset you, nor to share the story of how the shock of catching your fianc� in bed with your brother landed you in a mental institution. Trot out the tried-and-true tales that showcase your sweet and sparkling personality.



  2. Be a good listener. The purpose of this strategy is twofold. A man likes a woman who isn't a conversation hog. He wants the opportunity to shine in your eyes by trotting out his tried-and-true tales. Plus, allowing him to orate gives you the chance to discern what makes him tick. If he talks about how all of his ex-girlfriends are bitter, selfish, man-hating crones, imagine their side of the story. If he admits to not being the marrying kind, that's valuable information to have early on as well. (No, you won't change him!) If he talks about how the thing that gives life meaning for him is being involved in a love relationship -- well, isn't that good info to know?


  3. Try to have fun. Your life does not hang in the balance. It's just a date. All you're really doing is hanging out for a few hours with a new acquaintance. Lighten up and enjoy the time.

DON'T



  1. Pretend to be someone you're not. If you eat meat and she's a vegetarian, fess up to your carnivorous ways. Ditto if you're a heavy smoker and she's a non-smoker. The truth will always out eventually - sooner is truly better than later.


  2. Don't drink too much! The best example I can think of is to rent that classic gem 'Blind date' with Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis. She's the girl of his dreams until she has a bit too much champagne, at his prompting... Before you know it, he's lost his job, suit, apartment, car and reputation. It probably wouldn't go that far, but no-one likes to see you get that loose before they even get to know you. If the date sucks, then drink when you get home!



  3. Leave your date hanging. If you'd like to see your date again, say, "I had a great time. The time really flew." Yes, you can kiss him goodnight but don't act desperate to set up a second date on the spot. If the first date is all she wrote for you, say, "It was a pleasure meeting you. All the best." Don't dilute the message by engaging in kissy-kissy.


  4. Make a snap judgment about your feelings toward your date. Unless he's a total boor or potential nutcase, give him or her another try or two before writing him/her off. Rush to first date judgment and you'll have lots and lots of time to regret the hasty rejection of someone who might have been the love of your life.


  5. Don't talk about yourself too much. It's true that one of the best ways you can get some one to pay attention to you is to ask them lots of questions about themselves. It's amazing how well this works. Yet when you're nervous, you might have a tendency to babble on about your life endlessly, as you don't have to think that much to pull that information out of your head. And of course, we all know not to do this when we think about it.


  6. Don't wear something you don't feel drop dead gorgeous in. How much fun can you have if you have to monitor how many bites of food because just one more might be the fatal one that bursts the seams on your skintight dress like the Hoover Dam? And always having to remember not to raise your arm no matter what happens is no picnic because your last clean shirt has a hole in the armpit.

How I Fell in Love

My true love and I met in the most unusual way. I was filling in for one of the guys at the taxi company where I worked. It was a sweltering evening in June, 1988.

At about 10 p.m., I received a request call. The address was unfamiliar. Feeling somewhat uneasy, I explained to the dispatcher that the call must be for the regular driver. Since we were short staffed, he asked me to take the call.

I pulled into the driveway of a neatly kept ranch style home. A man came out and got into the cab. He asked me where the regular driver was. I told him the driver had asked me to fill in for him, as he’d had to attend a family function.

“I’ve got a lot of errands,” the said, explaining that I’d be tied up for between two and three hours.

“Great,” I replied, thinking of the good fare. I was a single mother. The thought of the meter clicking for two or three hours thrilled me.

While taking Dwight on his round of errands, we talked a lot. I told him a bit about myself, but he divulged nothing about himself. Time passed quickly and I felt very comfortable with him. He was reserved, yet friendly. It seemed we had a lot in common.

Before I realized well over three hours had passed. The meter registered sixty dollars, and it was about ten miles back to the address where I’d picked Dwight up. I estimated the final fare to be approximately seventy five dollars. I was delighted. It had been a slow night and I knew by the two-way radio that if I hadn’t taken this fare, I would have gone home with little money in hand.

I pulled into Dwight’s driveway. Much to my surprise, he opened his wallet and handed me a hundred dollars. “Keep the change,” he said. “You were great company. I enjoyed talking to you.”

I sat in the car watching Dwight climb the porch stairs. What a nice man, I thought. Not like most of the dead beats I have for fares. Too bad he’s married.

I’d only driven about two blocks when the dispatcher called my car number. When I responded, he advised me to return to the address I’d just left. I was ecstatic. Maybe Dwight had more errands to run. I’d drive him around all night for the money he paid.

I pulled into the driveway and Dwight came down the walk to the side of the car. “How would you like to go out for coffee?” he asked.

“I’d love a coffee,” I answered, “but won’t your wife object?”

“What wife?” he asked totally bewildered.

I felt my face flush. “You’re so nice I just assumed you were married.”

He grinned, melting my heart. “Never assume,” he cautioned. “It can be embarrassing.”

At that moment, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. We went for coffee and talked long into the night. After that, whenever Dwight needed a cab, he requested mine. Weeks went by and we became close friends. Then, we started dating.

On December 17, 1988, exactly six months after we met, Dwight and I were married. We love each other more today than we did back then. Our relationship has had time to grow and bloom. No, it hasn’t been perfect – in fact, a long way from it. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. Financial burdens, sorrow, acute illness, and family feuds have all been part of it. Instead of letting these things tear us apart; we’ve used them to bring us closer together and to make our marriage more solid.

Today, we have two lovely grandsons, ages nine and seven, children of my daughter from a former marriage. Dwight treats the boys well and our family is firmly bonded. Over the years, we have learned that material things aren’t important. Health, happiness and true love are all that matters. At some time each day, we take time out to count our blessings. It’s been a wonderful sixteen years.

How to Get a Date

People are always fascinated by the feelings of love that there are tons and tons of romantic movies. This is because when love is involved, a person will have to think differently. The person will always have to think like he or she is in a game to either win or bail out.

That’s what the dating scene is all about. People who date are in the process of getting to know one another. They should think either think to build up the relationship further by having follow-up dates or just bailing out.

If one party seems to be very interested in having follow up dates to develop the chemistry more. That person should learn to make the date as best as possible. Here are some tips to live a lasting impression on dates and could lead to a better chance of having a follow up date.

• Be prepared with a good level of confidence. Confidence is a good way to leave the right impression. Having the right of amount of confidence is also like creating the right soup. You would need to some confidence of yourself because having low self-esteem is a turn off. But being too overconfident is pretty irritating too.
• Have a positive image with dating. Instead of hearing all the negative things about entering into a relationship from negative friends. Try to hang out with people who think having a relationship is great. However, this might only make you jealous. But being jealous can probably help you clean your act up to find the right person.
• Be realistic about who you’d want to date. Don’t set too high goals and don’t set too low either. Base the person who you’d want to date on what you think about yourself. If you are a pretty average Joe, don’t expect getting a date like a supermodel. If you are and you’d want one, its best to just join a reality love show contest.
• Try to join social clubs or groups. Joining them will give you a better chance of seeing someone you’d want to meet. If people are able to meet someone by staying indoors then we’d all be hermits by now.
• If you are still dating even though you feel there’s not going to be any result. It might be best to shelf yourself for a while. Relax first; get your energy back up first. When you have finally gotten some rest and new confidence levels go for the hunt again.
• When dating don’t immediately reveal too much about you. It will be pretty creepy to the other person that you have first met that you are telling about your dead toe nail collections. Wait for the right time to open up. Having an enigma is a plus. This gives the other person some time to think if there are more interesting things about you.

These are only some of the tips that you could try doing to get yourself ready finding a date. However the most important thing to consider is always take dating for what it is. It is not some activity that you do that automatically gives you commitment with another person. It is an activity that helps you know more about the other person and see if he or she is really worth going out again.